2013 WILL be Different !!! (cause I said so) ;D
So it's been several months now that I have felt like, or had the opportunity to reach out and spill my silly little beans to any one who may have a bored moment in a doc's office or waiting to pick up a child at practice, to read about an everyday simple girl and the bizarre things that run through her head. So if you are so inclined to listen to my random thoughts, I actually have a little quiet time on my hands to fill you in on what you have missed.
Random Thought # 1 ~
YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYBODY !
Now of course you already knew that, but why do we as women especially; try to continue to do so? My lessons that I take away from my recent experiences, (quitting Fed-X) are that I am ONLY disappointing myself. No one else holds on to a thought about me any longer than a minute. I on the other hand, let it linger on a reel of film that burns in my mind until I am tangled in a spool of self deprecating doubt and insecurity. Can you say seeking the approval of others? Obviously... *sigh*
My concerns over other peoples thoughts about me, and how together MY life is, has become more of a problem than actually getting MY life together! Wha? Say it isn't so. I can and will make my own changes at my own pace and I will only judge myself on what I feel to be true at the end of the day. If I fail, which is highly possible but yet not inevitable, I have tomorrow to try again. Those who would dream of passing judgement on me, are only using me as a measure to determine their own success. (take that, so there ;D )
Random Thought # 2 ~
Holidays are Hell ! Well, they don't have to be unless you happen to have SPARKY (chevy chase from Christmas Vacation) attending the festivities with all the flawless glorious memories of Past Family Christmas's treasured in his/her head. (I was given that compliment by the way of "it's my fault I made it so great" that felt pretty cool) Setting the stage for failure as the times have slightly changed (Mitch is no longer 6) and yet the expectations continue to be set so high, that no family could ever possibly live up to them. It's unfortunate that there are not MORE Sparky's in the world, (or in my house.) Trying to keep the hopes alive for one, and stop the rolling eyes and moans of others, was a job for a professional mediator. Not your simple people pleasing Mom like me. In the end... we only had two episodes of tears and a final game of laughter to send Sparky back home to her reality in another land, with a smile and hopefully a new outlook for another go at it next year. (she says "forget the boys Mom, come down and stay with me for Christmas next year") Well, I'm not too sure how that would go over. Maybe I can have two holidays? Geez oh pete, I'm exhausted already.
Random Thought # 3 ~
Deciding to take on a paying job after 20 years of working for yourself, should really begin with something much less demanding, rigid, brutal, and physically crippling such as a famous shipping company in PEAK shopping season! Wowza ! What a doozie of an experience that was, and humbling I might add as well. There were serious Pro's to this embarkment and believe me I repeated them in my head each time I felt like a prisoner on the chain gang. My husband stepped up to the plate and took care of all the MOM duties. Such as trips to the doctor and school, running to the store for more food for our starving teenage boy with a concussion. Running me a hot tub with Epsom Salt and making sure the wine was poured before I pulled in to the driveway and hobbled to the door on the verge of tears. Listening to me tell him of all the people I have met and the ones I found to be interesting and yes the ones that were well.. just plain weird. I found myself learning all over again about "playing well with others" all others. Including those that smell, curse and are down right rude. Youngsters today? Where is their work ethic? They obviously were not raised in my generation where "team" did not have an 'i' in it. You see a struggling older (yet lovely) lady, there should be no hesitation, just help HER ! There is no commission here dude, let's all get out of here faster, agreed? NO, ME DID MY PART, NOW ME STAND OVER YOU AND SMILE WHILE I WATCH YOU KILL YOURSELF!!! (evil laughter follows)
Random thought # 4 ~
Concussions are super serious... just sayin'
Random thought # 5 ~
So to sum this up, I have been accused of many things in my life. Some possibly true; when I've given them serious thought that is. For instance when my husband said to me " you just want everyone to like you " yeah okay, that I can buy and improve upon. But others... that I know for a FACT to be untrue and have weighed on my heart for entirely too long. Such as "you wrote that book for people to feel sorry for you, and so you could take advantage of them"
THAT! ... is a complete lie, and because you have never bothered to back it up with any examples, incidents or evidence for over a year now, you apparently also know it to be UN-TRUE. As an adult, I have learned that we also still hurt just as much as we did when we were children. People always say that "kids can be mean" well... we are all God's children and we can still be mean as adults. It still hurts just as bad as it did back then. An apology can be a band-aid for the booboo, but the sincereness that comes along with it, is what truly starts the healing. So since you don't have time or the interest to read random thoughts of others, you will never know how much you hurt me. But you are no longer allowed in my random thoughts and I vomit you from my mind. (oh...sorry, got off on the wrong tangent that you don't even have a clue about. Always a hater in the bunch) Ok... with that said;
I am just a girl/woman, who put myself out there so that others could know that I am not afraid to be real. I am not a STEPFORD wife who hides all the bad and only portrays the good. My husband and I do not live a perfect life nor do our children. I have never insinuated for one second that I needed pity or special treatment of any kind and it is an insult to me that there are those out there that think I have. This book of mine was to be a GOOD thing, and I'm sorry that you can't be happy for me. However, I won't let you drag me down any longer. YOU have a story yourself ... it's okay to tell it. I know one person who will listen without judgement, thats me. I am a confident and happy person for the most part, but when someone attacks my character, some wild eyed italian flares it's nostrils and it sure ain't pretty. You may just end up in my next book that is more scandalous than the last ;D
I have failed to let a special friend of mine, whom I have known through thick and thin and has been there for me since I was a stupid teenager; I didn't return the attention or the interest that she deserved. Thank you... Thank you... Thank you. You never fail me and you are an inspiration to me everyday. I send out LOVE to you... more than your heart can hold !
Let's all be kinder and more tolerant of one another. Let's look at why there is so much sadness in the world. You may save a life and not even know it ! You may prevent that child who had someone be mean to them, from picking up a gun. (nobody freak out, I don't mean ME ! ) LOL
IN Other GREAT News ! ~
My book has had some new buzz around it, and I am a little weary of getting too excited just yet... But wouldn't it be wonderful if it hit the big screen before I croak? I will shamefully plug it at this time. "I Can't Relate" A story of a simple girl with a complicated life by Jo Lynn Sudenly A Memoir Available at www.jenjohere.com
I am available for book signings and intimate speaking engagements as well. Find me: jenjohere@gmail.com
Signing out for now, your simple girl friend... Jo Lynn ;D
