Saturday, May 31, 2014
I Can't Relate: Self Motivation
I Can't Relate: Self Motivation: As I sit here on this absolutely stunning morning in late May, I ponder what the rest of the world may be up too? You see I have been bless...
Self Motivation
As I sit here on this absolutely stunning morning in late May, I ponder what the rest of the world may be up too? You see I have been blessed to be able to park my rear on the upper deck of our country home and be in total seclusion with nature. Only the sounds of birds and breeze are with me on this day. It makes me wonder of all of those loved ones, and acquaintances that I know who are dedicated and painstakingly busy in their lives are actually realizing the beauty that surrounds them?
I remember those days of frantic shouts from the other room "I can't find my soccer socks! Do you know where my water bottle is? !! "
The days of rushing to and fro with a grumble on my face and that same grumble in my tone. I'm not going to be cliche and tell you that I miss those days. I am not going to tell you to enjoy them while they last because they will end some day. I will tell you that I am happy that I experienced those days that have helped me to be more grateful for this slower time in my life.
I feel my late Grandmother "Muner" was her nick name, must have passed the "Queen" gene on to me. I speak with her often and we have so much in common. We both have two children 12 years apart in age by choice. Due mainly to the fact that we could only deal with one snotty nose at a time. She was a classy lady, some may even describe her as aloof. Those were not traits she passed to me, yet I do like to be extremely comfortable at all times. But I can do that with any one (for the most part, minus creepers) and in any environment, (for the most part, minus sleeping without a pillow or canoeing down a creek with barely in water)
She was a lady of leisure like myself and although she fought the anxiety demon internally, you would never know from the outside. Unfortunately, she passed that on to me as well. I am at a place in my life where my husband is now in the forefront of my world. It has become apparently clear to me that we all tend to put our children first and even though I do feel that is the way it should be, I now understand the importance of giving in order to receive when it comes to your spouse. Supporting him, complimenting him, lending a hand when he is overwhelmed, and letting him know you appreciate everything he does for you... comes back to me ten times over. Those years of neglecting him and being bitter that he didn't have more of a part in the kids lives are gone. He is a man of few words and when he does compliment me, it was always that I am a good Mother. I am a good person, and I am loved. That is all I need (plus, that is all I will get too... fishing for compliments on my appearance is fruitless) but are those not traits that any one would love to have said about them in their lives? Not that she was pretty, but that she had a kind heart.
My children are grown and I am not in any hurry to have grandchildren any time soon. (more worry, boo hiss) My parents and his parents are now our focus with a few health issues. I want some quality time with them while possible. I feel that God has given me this space in order to do just that and to not lose sight of the circle of life. Son and Daughter in-laws will come soon enough with babies to follow, but right at this moment, I want to cherish those who have given so much to our lives and have made us who we are and to pay them back for their unconditional love. You see my biological Father was MIA all my life and lied to me the last part of his life about his identity when he knew how much I longed to know him. It's a good thing I didn't get to know him, it was a true blessing that he couldn't reject me face to face. I have a taste of what that feels like from his son, my half brother as he spewed wicked words upon me in a moment of what he considers to be a betrayal of blood. Sorta cracks me up how he can even speak of blood to me, but then that is why I don't have guilt about cutting him out of my life. Like Father like Son fits nicely here I suppose. My Pop is my Dad and I hope he knows and understands why I needed to search for blood. I'm sure it hurt and I am grateful that he never said so, but allowed me to explore on my own. Thank you Pop, I love you.
So I guess I should bring this all around as to why I titled this post "Self Motivation"
I find it more and more difficult to motivate myself as I am crashing in on my senior years. This quiet moment will pass and I will look back at it and wish that I had stopped putting so much pressure on myself to be productive every moment of the day, to look good and to be fit. To make everyone else happy and to feel less-than if I don't work an 8-5 job. We all put so much pressure on ourselves to be the best we can be, but isn't it just ok to be mediocre and to have the person and people you love most in life to say "She was a good Mother, she was a good person, and she was loved" ?
Self Control, Self Restraint, Self Discipline ... ugh! Sure those words are important if you can't do all things in moderation, but in the end ... are you doing it for others to see? Or to make sure you reach the pearly gates.
A very wise young man just told me this week, that outwardly deeds of good works are not what the Master wants and he even gave me the book and chapter to prove it. That in itself was profound, as I had NO IDEA that this young man had read the Bible let alone remembered it ! He doesn't need to talk the talk, he has his own relationship with the Big Man. I love it.
In summary, I will not lay around and get porked out eating bon bons all day, but I will take the time to sit on my deck and reflect and know that at any moment things can change on a dime and this freedom will be gone.
Slow down y'all,
Jo Lynn Sudenly ;D
I remember those days of frantic shouts from the other room "I can't find my soccer socks! Do you know where my water bottle is? !! "
The days of rushing to and fro with a grumble on my face and that same grumble in my tone. I'm not going to be cliche and tell you that I miss those days. I am not going to tell you to enjoy them while they last because they will end some day. I will tell you that I am happy that I experienced those days that have helped me to be more grateful for this slower time in my life.
I feel my late Grandmother "Muner" was her nick name, must have passed the "Queen" gene on to me. I speak with her often and we have so much in common. We both have two children 12 years apart in age by choice. Due mainly to the fact that we could only deal with one snotty nose at a time. She was a classy lady, some may even describe her as aloof. Those were not traits she passed to me, yet I do like to be extremely comfortable at all times. But I can do that with any one (for the most part, minus creepers) and in any environment, (for the most part, minus sleeping without a pillow or canoeing down a creek with barely in water)
She was a lady of leisure like myself and although she fought the anxiety demon internally, you would never know from the outside. Unfortunately, she passed that on to me as well. I am at a place in my life where my husband is now in the forefront of my world. It has become apparently clear to me that we all tend to put our children first and even though I do feel that is the way it should be, I now understand the importance of giving in order to receive when it comes to your spouse. Supporting him, complimenting him, lending a hand when he is overwhelmed, and letting him know you appreciate everything he does for you... comes back to me ten times over. Those years of neglecting him and being bitter that he didn't have more of a part in the kids lives are gone. He is a man of few words and when he does compliment me, it was always that I am a good Mother. I am a good person, and I am loved. That is all I need (plus, that is all I will get too... fishing for compliments on my appearance is fruitless) but are those not traits that any one would love to have said about them in their lives? Not that she was pretty, but that she had a kind heart.
My children are grown and I am not in any hurry to have grandchildren any time soon. (more worry, boo hiss) My parents and his parents are now our focus with a few health issues. I want some quality time with them while possible. I feel that God has given me this space in order to do just that and to not lose sight of the circle of life. Son and Daughter in-laws will come soon enough with babies to follow, but right at this moment, I want to cherish those who have given so much to our lives and have made us who we are and to pay them back for their unconditional love. You see my biological Father was MIA all my life and lied to me the last part of his life about his identity when he knew how much I longed to know him. It's a good thing I didn't get to know him, it was a true blessing that he couldn't reject me face to face. I have a taste of what that feels like from his son, my half brother as he spewed wicked words upon me in a moment of what he considers to be a betrayal of blood. Sorta cracks me up how he can even speak of blood to me, but then that is why I don't have guilt about cutting him out of my life. Like Father like Son fits nicely here I suppose. My Pop is my Dad and I hope he knows and understands why I needed to search for blood. I'm sure it hurt and I am grateful that he never said so, but allowed me to explore on my own. Thank you Pop, I love you.
So I guess I should bring this all around as to why I titled this post "Self Motivation"
I find it more and more difficult to motivate myself as I am crashing in on my senior years. This quiet moment will pass and I will look back at it and wish that I had stopped putting so much pressure on myself to be productive every moment of the day, to look good and to be fit. To make everyone else happy and to feel less-than if I don't work an 8-5 job. We all put so much pressure on ourselves to be the best we can be, but isn't it just ok to be mediocre and to have the person and people you love most in life to say "She was a good Mother, she was a good person, and she was loved" ?
Self Control, Self Restraint, Self Discipline ... ugh! Sure those words are important if you can't do all things in moderation, but in the end ... are you doing it for others to see? Or to make sure you reach the pearly gates.
A very wise young man just told me this week, that outwardly deeds of good works are not what the Master wants and he even gave me the book and chapter to prove it. That in itself was profound, as I had NO IDEA that this young man had read the Bible let alone remembered it ! He doesn't need to talk the talk, he has his own relationship with the Big Man. I love it.
In summary, I will not lay around and get porked out eating bon bons all day, but I will take the time to sit on my deck and reflect and know that at any moment things can change on a dime and this freedom will be gone.
Slow down y'all,
Jo Lynn Sudenly ;D
Monday, March 17, 2014
Feeling Refreshed !
Mental Illness :
I recently returned from a very moving and eye opening women's retreat that my sister invited me too across the country on the spur of the moment. This is not remarkable to many who find themselves seeking adventure however, for me it was entirely out of my comfort zone. I title this section mental illness, because I am aware of the stigma attached and the fear that some people have toward the diagnosis.
If you know my history at all, I struggle with depression and anxiety with triggers from traumatic events. This past holiday season I visited a Dr. who has the worst bedside manner yet hit the nail on the head with the medicine he prescribed. I was one that carried the attitude that you can just pull yourself up by the boot straps and march right out of depression. I learned that mental illness is nothing to play around with and it is a serious physical condition that must be supervised by professionals.
Self medicating was the choice I had made for myself for several years. Drug of choice... alcohol. Knowing that I could push the pain down and deal with it later was much easier than actually facing the demons head on. I am a guilt driven person unfortunately and therefore after I had killed my personal pain, I would have sleepless nights of trying to remember exactly what words or actions I had taken while under the influence. Wondering and worrying about what damage if any that I may have caused those around me in my blurry time of short personal relief.
After taking my anti-depressant for a few weeks, I began to notice that I wasn't having the urge to reach for the bottle. I was actually beginning to feel like the person I had known years before all my horrific tales began. I was singing again, I was dancing around the house again and I was exercising again. I was reaching out to others again, instead of hiding out and doing my best to tip toe around my loved ones in order to hide what was truly going on in my complex mind. I had tried medicine before with no success, so the many choices on the market are not a one size fits all. You must keep trying to find the one that works for you. With all of that said, I now am feeling refreshed and excited about my new state of mind and the good that it can bring for all of those around me. So if you too struggle with depression and or any other mental illness that is holding you back, I urge you to get help and see for yourself the amazing quality of life that can be returned to you by allowing your brain to be balanced and healthy.
Women !!!
I am no expert when it comes to knowing the minds of all women. We are unique and ever changing human beings. Yet I do feel that we share so many of the same juggling acts in regards to family, friends, work, and self worth. How do we get past the idea that we are selfish if we take time out for ourselves? Like right now for instance... I have dishes in the sink and the dust bunnies are in plain view with a ring of slime on my shower that is haunting me. I would normally never feel good about sitting down to write without having everything in order first, so that I won't feel guilty about pushing what I want or need to the forefront of my list. Well guess what, it feels pretty darn good! My husband is an extremely understanding and loving man that has allowed me to be exactly who I need to be without judgement. So why is it that I feel I must accomplish something for him to notice when he walks in the house? Silly. He asks nothing of me and yet the guilt of showing him that I am worthy is overwhelming at times. Simply crazy.
Therapy? Well, been there done that and I have yet to find a good therapist that can actually give me the tools to hit the toggle switch in my brain. I am who I am, and no matter how many times that someone tells me that it was not my fault or that there is no way I can change it now, it never seems to stick other than the fact that logically I know that to be true. Logic is not a tool for a mother who is in a constant state of "If only I had known, or I should've done this or that " Those or just words that will never resonate in my heart, so now I have to learn how to cope with them instead. I'm getting there.
Children:
Why is it that as mothers' we are only as happy as our least happy child? I am fortunate enough to only have two children and they are 12 years apart in age. This allows me to deal with two completely different sets of issues or problems that arise. I Can't Relate to mothers' who have several children that they worry over. It must be a sea of juggling hearts and never feeling that sense for just a fleeting moment that ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. Marriage is tough enough to maintain, let alone children and parents and friends and work.
Hats off to those mothers' who keep plugging away at it day after day. I hope that you allow yourself to understand that although you must continue to try, it is a very rare moment to find the stars and moon all lining up at once for your fleeting sigh of relief.
Summary:
I want to keep this post short (those dishes are shouting at me now) so that I can come back and hopefully see some comments from any of you, and that we can address some topics that are concerning you in your life right now. I will share with you more about my trip and how much finding a group of women to share your struggles with is refreshing and invigorating. A safe place to fall. My hope for you today, is that you can find a small spot in your brain to tell yourself that you are worthy and that you are doing a good job! Hang in there ladies !!!!
Thank you,
Jo Lynn ;D
I recently returned from a very moving and eye opening women's retreat that my sister invited me too across the country on the spur of the moment. This is not remarkable to many who find themselves seeking adventure however, for me it was entirely out of my comfort zone. I title this section mental illness, because I am aware of the stigma attached and the fear that some people have toward the diagnosis.
If you know my history at all, I struggle with depression and anxiety with triggers from traumatic events. This past holiday season I visited a Dr. who has the worst bedside manner yet hit the nail on the head with the medicine he prescribed. I was one that carried the attitude that you can just pull yourself up by the boot straps and march right out of depression. I learned that mental illness is nothing to play around with and it is a serious physical condition that must be supervised by professionals.
Self medicating was the choice I had made for myself for several years. Drug of choice... alcohol. Knowing that I could push the pain down and deal with it later was much easier than actually facing the demons head on. I am a guilt driven person unfortunately and therefore after I had killed my personal pain, I would have sleepless nights of trying to remember exactly what words or actions I had taken while under the influence. Wondering and worrying about what damage if any that I may have caused those around me in my blurry time of short personal relief.
After taking my anti-depressant for a few weeks, I began to notice that I wasn't having the urge to reach for the bottle. I was actually beginning to feel like the person I had known years before all my horrific tales began. I was singing again, I was dancing around the house again and I was exercising again. I was reaching out to others again, instead of hiding out and doing my best to tip toe around my loved ones in order to hide what was truly going on in my complex mind. I had tried medicine before with no success, so the many choices on the market are not a one size fits all. You must keep trying to find the one that works for you. With all of that said, I now am feeling refreshed and excited about my new state of mind and the good that it can bring for all of those around me. So if you too struggle with depression and or any other mental illness that is holding you back, I urge you to get help and see for yourself the amazing quality of life that can be returned to you by allowing your brain to be balanced and healthy.
Women !!!
I am no expert when it comes to knowing the minds of all women. We are unique and ever changing human beings. Yet I do feel that we share so many of the same juggling acts in regards to family, friends, work, and self worth. How do we get past the idea that we are selfish if we take time out for ourselves? Like right now for instance... I have dishes in the sink and the dust bunnies are in plain view with a ring of slime on my shower that is haunting me. I would normally never feel good about sitting down to write without having everything in order first, so that I won't feel guilty about pushing what I want or need to the forefront of my list. Well guess what, it feels pretty darn good! My husband is an extremely understanding and loving man that has allowed me to be exactly who I need to be without judgement. So why is it that I feel I must accomplish something for him to notice when he walks in the house? Silly. He asks nothing of me and yet the guilt of showing him that I am worthy is overwhelming at times. Simply crazy.
Therapy? Well, been there done that and I have yet to find a good therapist that can actually give me the tools to hit the toggle switch in my brain. I am who I am, and no matter how many times that someone tells me that it was not my fault or that there is no way I can change it now, it never seems to stick other than the fact that logically I know that to be true. Logic is not a tool for a mother who is in a constant state of "If only I had known, or I should've done this or that " Those or just words that will never resonate in my heart, so now I have to learn how to cope with them instead. I'm getting there.
Children:
Why is it that as mothers' we are only as happy as our least happy child? I am fortunate enough to only have two children and they are 12 years apart in age. This allows me to deal with two completely different sets of issues or problems that arise. I Can't Relate to mothers' who have several children that they worry over. It must be a sea of juggling hearts and never feeling that sense for just a fleeting moment that ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. Marriage is tough enough to maintain, let alone children and parents and friends and work.
Hats off to those mothers' who keep plugging away at it day after day. I hope that you allow yourself to understand that although you must continue to try, it is a very rare moment to find the stars and moon all lining up at once for your fleeting sigh of relief.
Summary:
I want to keep this post short (those dishes are shouting at me now) so that I can come back and hopefully see some comments from any of you, and that we can address some topics that are concerning you in your life right now. I will share with you more about my trip and how much finding a group of women to share your struggles with is refreshing and invigorating. A safe place to fall. My hope for you today, is that you can find a small spot in your brain to tell yourself that you are worthy and that you are doing a good job! Hang in there ladies !!!!
Thank you,
Jo Lynn ;D
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)