Saturday, May 31, 2014
I Can't Relate: Self Motivation
I Can't Relate: Self Motivation: As I sit here on this absolutely stunning morning in late May, I ponder what the rest of the world may be up too? You see I have been bless...
Self Motivation
As I sit here on this absolutely stunning morning in late May, I ponder what the rest of the world may be up too? You see I have been blessed to be able to park my rear on the upper deck of our country home and be in total seclusion with nature. Only the sounds of birds and breeze are with me on this day. It makes me wonder of all of those loved ones, and acquaintances that I know who are dedicated and painstakingly busy in their lives are actually realizing the beauty that surrounds them?
I remember those days of frantic shouts from the other room "I can't find my soccer socks! Do you know where my water bottle is? !! "
The days of rushing to and fro with a grumble on my face and that same grumble in my tone. I'm not going to be cliche and tell you that I miss those days. I am not going to tell you to enjoy them while they last because they will end some day. I will tell you that I am happy that I experienced those days that have helped me to be more grateful for this slower time in my life.
I feel my late Grandmother "Muner" was her nick name, must have passed the "Queen" gene on to me. I speak with her often and we have so much in common. We both have two children 12 years apart in age by choice. Due mainly to the fact that we could only deal with one snotty nose at a time. She was a classy lady, some may even describe her as aloof. Those were not traits she passed to me, yet I do like to be extremely comfortable at all times. But I can do that with any one (for the most part, minus creepers) and in any environment, (for the most part, minus sleeping without a pillow or canoeing down a creek with barely in water)
She was a lady of leisure like myself and although she fought the anxiety demon internally, you would never know from the outside. Unfortunately, she passed that on to me as well. I am at a place in my life where my husband is now in the forefront of my world. It has become apparently clear to me that we all tend to put our children first and even though I do feel that is the way it should be, I now understand the importance of giving in order to receive when it comes to your spouse. Supporting him, complimenting him, lending a hand when he is overwhelmed, and letting him know you appreciate everything he does for you... comes back to me ten times over. Those years of neglecting him and being bitter that he didn't have more of a part in the kids lives are gone. He is a man of few words and when he does compliment me, it was always that I am a good Mother. I am a good person, and I am loved. That is all I need (plus, that is all I will get too... fishing for compliments on my appearance is fruitless) but are those not traits that any one would love to have said about them in their lives? Not that she was pretty, but that she had a kind heart.
My children are grown and I am not in any hurry to have grandchildren any time soon. (more worry, boo hiss) My parents and his parents are now our focus with a few health issues. I want some quality time with them while possible. I feel that God has given me this space in order to do just that and to not lose sight of the circle of life. Son and Daughter in-laws will come soon enough with babies to follow, but right at this moment, I want to cherish those who have given so much to our lives and have made us who we are and to pay them back for their unconditional love. You see my biological Father was MIA all my life and lied to me the last part of his life about his identity when he knew how much I longed to know him. It's a good thing I didn't get to know him, it was a true blessing that he couldn't reject me face to face. I have a taste of what that feels like from his son, my half brother as he spewed wicked words upon me in a moment of what he considers to be a betrayal of blood. Sorta cracks me up how he can even speak of blood to me, but then that is why I don't have guilt about cutting him out of my life. Like Father like Son fits nicely here I suppose. My Pop is my Dad and I hope he knows and understands why I needed to search for blood. I'm sure it hurt and I am grateful that he never said so, but allowed me to explore on my own. Thank you Pop, I love you.
So I guess I should bring this all around as to why I titled this post "Self Motivation"
I find it more and more difficult to motivate myself as I am crashing in on my senior years. This quiet moment will pass and I will look back at it and wish that I had stopped putting so much pressure on myself to be productive every moment of the day, to look good and to be fit. To make everyone else happy and to feel less-than if I don't work an 8-5 job. We all put so much pressure on ourselves to be the best we can be, but isn't it just ok to be mediocre and to have the person and people you love most in life to say "She was a good Mother, she was a good person, and she was loved" ?
Self Control, Self Restraint, Self Discipline ... ugh! Sure those words are important if you can't do all things in moderation, but in the end ... are you doing it for others to see? Or to make sure you reach the pearly gates.
A very wise young man just told me this week, that outwardly deeds of good works are not what the Master wants and he even gave me the book and chapter to prove it. That in itself was profound, as I had NO IDEA that this young man had read the Bible let alone remembered it ! He doesn't need to talk the talk, he has his own relationship with the Big Man. I love it.
In summary, I will not lay around and get porked out eating bon bons all day, but I will take the time to sit on my deck and reflect and know that at any moment things can change on a dime and this freedom will be gone.
Slow down y'all,
Jo Lynn Sudenly ;D
I remember those days of frantic shouts from the other room "I can't find my soccer socks! Do you know where my water bottle is? !! "
The days of rushing to and fro with a grumble on my face and that same grumble in my tone. I'm not going to be cliche and tell you that I miss those days. I am not going to tell you to enjoy them while they last because they will end some day. I will tell you that I am happy that I experienced those days that have helped me to be more grateful for this slower time in my life.
I feel my late Grandmother "Muner" was her nick name, must have passed the "Queen" gene on to me. I speak with her often and we have so much in common. We both have two children 12 years apart in age by choice. Due mainly to the fact that we could only deal with one snotty nose at a time. She was a classy lady, some may even describe her as aloof. Those were not traits she passed to me, yet I do like to be extremely comfortable at all times. But I can do that with any one (for the most part, minus creepers) and in any environment, (for the most part, minus sleeping without a pillow or canoeing down a creek with barely in water)
She was a lady of leisure like myself and although she fought the anxiety demon internally, you would never know from the outside. Unfortunately, she passed that on to me as well. I am at a place in my life where my husband is now in the forefront of my world. It has become apparently clear to me that we all tend to put our children first and even though I do feel that is the way it should be, I now understand the importance of giving in order to receive when it comes to your spouse. Supporting him, complimenting him, lending a hand when he is overwhelmed, and letting him know you appreciate everything he does for you... comes back to me ten times over. Those years of neglecting him and being bitter that he didn't have more of a part in the kids lives are gone. He is a man of few words and when he does compliment me, it was always that I am a good Mother. I am a good person, and I am loved. That is all I need (plus, that is all I will get too... fishing for compliments on my appearance is fruitless) but are those not traits that any one would love to have said about them in their lives? Not that she was pretty, but that she had a kind heart.
My children are grown and I am not in any hurry to have grandchildren any time soon. (more worry, boo hiss) My parents and his parents are now our focus with a few health issues. I want some quality time with them while possible. I feel that God has given me this space in order to do just that and to not lose sight of the circle of life. Son and Daughter in-laws will come soon enough with babies to follow, but right at this moment, I want to cherish those who have given so much to our lives and have made us who we are and to pay them back for their unconditional love. You see my biological Father was MIA all my life and lied to me the last part of his life about his identity when he knew how much I longed to know him. It's a good thing I didn't get to know him, it was a true blessing that he couldn't reject me face to face. I have a taste of what that feels like from his son, my half brother as he spewed wicked words upon me in a moment of what he considers to be a betrayal of blood. Sorta cracks me up how he can even speak of blood to me, but then that is why I don't have guilt about cutting him out of my life. Like Father like Son fits nicely here I suppose. My Pop is my Dad and I hope he knows and understands why I needed to search for blood. I'm sure it hurt and I am grateful that he never said so, but allowed me to explore on my own. Thank you Pop, I love you.
So I guess I should bring this all around as to why I titled this post "Self Motivation"
I find it more and more difficult to motivate myself as I am crashing in on my senior years. This quiet moment will pass and I will look back at it and wish that I had stopped putting so much pressure on myself to be productive every moment of the day, to look good and to be fit. To make everyone else happy and to feel less-than if I don't work an 8-5 job. We all put so much pressure on ourselves to be the best we can be, but isn't it just ok to be mediocre and to have the person and people you love most in life to say "She was a good Mother, she was a good person, and she was loved" ?
Self Control, Self Restraint, Self Discipline ... ugh! Sure those words are important if you can't do all things in moderation, but in the end ... are you doing it for others to see? Or to make sure you reach the pearly gates.
A very wise young man just told me this week, that outwardly deeds of good works are not what the Master wants and he even gave me the book and chapter to prove it. That in itself was profound, as I had NO IDEA that this young man had read the Bible let alone remembered it ! He doesn't need to talk the talk, he has his own relationship with the Big Man. I love it.
In summary, I will not lay around and get porked out eating bon bons all day, but I will take the time to sit on my deck and reflect and know that at any moment things can change on a dime and this freedom will be gone.
Slow down y'all,
Jo Lynn Sudenly ;D
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