Well...
The sweet little lady from the wonderful evening that I posted about on June 12th, has yet to contact me. Therefore, I must pay my husband his winnings on the bet that it was NOT a divine appointment. Yet just another chance meeting with a nice lady who has no time to encourage a seeking and struggling woman with her issues on faith.
Maybe life is as cynical as my husband paints it?
Maybe I am a dreamer that hopes there is something out there greater than myself that has the wheel.
Whenever I get that feeling, wether it be a shooting star or an encounter with a minister woman in a setting unusual for prayer, it never seems to carry on. The next day life is as exactly as I left it the night before. A brand new day... the sun is shining... a brand new day! Love those words, but are they truly brand new?
Not in my experience.
Love all your supportive comments,
Jen/Jo
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Ahhhh.... Election Time
Yes election time is upon us once again, and boy does it bring out the worst in people.
I am at an age in life where I speak my mind when asked, and I speak it honestly. But I don't feel that it is necessary to brow beat everyone I meet that may differ in my opinion over just about every issue that is discussed in today's media, social sites and even Church on Sunday.
If you are not careful, you can lose some of your dearest friends that ten years ago you would have never even dreamed of knowing their political views. Now it seems that everyone must shout theirs' from the mountain tops! It reminds me of the time my husband told me, let's see it has to have been at least 20 years ago because our son is almost 16, that he didn't need to bring a child in to this world. It was not a place that he felt he wanted to subject a child to, and that it was only going to get worse. Boy was he right! Maybe we can start charging a fee for him to foresee the future instead of me trying to sell books ???
Well as stated above, our 16 year old son was born and very much planned after all. It seems even my husband was too enticed with the idea of carrying on his name and leaving some sort of mark on this world. Holding his breath that he wasn't leaving his son to the fears he had for our countries' and this global planets foreboding future.
I will do my level best to avoid any sensitive subjects for the next 60 days and decline any social gatherings and events that include politically passionate people. It is one thing to be passionate and another to be abrasive and rude. To wish someone dead just because they speak their mind, and are strong in their opinions plus Lord forbid homosexual, is just one example of how what you may feel is meant to be humorous, but is just down right truly appalling.
I am just a simple girl, who wants to watch the news and to look on FB to stay informed. Not to be blasted by personal opinion and biased views of what the world needs today. I have given both of my children the opportunity to judge for themselves. I have never forced a religious view or a political view on them. I have however, forced politeness, kindness, and listening and learning upon them. I know that as individuals they will make the right decisions as I have taught them to LOVE all man kind and to accept the unaccepted. To see the right where there is wrong and to seek out the best in people as we all make mistakes. My job as a parent is the only thing I feel that I can actually do to help change the world. Make it a more understanding place where everyone feels they have a voice without hate and violence attached.
This may seem very unrealistic to most of us old folks, but I do believe that the younger generation is ready for a change. They no longer want to fight over the color of skin, or if you believe Jesus is the Savior, or if you are Pro-Choice. They want to live happy lives with freedoms that come from tolerance. No Bullies. No Platforms. Just a life where they can walk their dog in safety and they can jump from cliffs in foreign countries without the fear of being kidnapped. They want to raise their families free from controversy and stress that doesn't apply to them in the day to day. They want to know that we are all equal and some need more help than others and if you want to point fingers and say they must be lazy, then maybe they will be the ones who lend a helping hand. Yes, it would be wonderful if they were independently wealthy... money does make things easier. However, I have raised mine to understand the meaning of a dollar and I know that they would give the shirt off their back for someone in need.
Lazy people who want handouts are not always what they seem. YES... some are, and they work the system! Shame on them. But they are not the majority. Some just do not have the capabilities or the opportunities that my children have and I certainly hope that I have shown them the difference. My children have seen both sides, as I have always tried to see both sides. I will let them come to their own conclusions and maybe, just maybe with this new generation, things can change.
It's time for my platform to shut down and to allow the rest of this country to decide on their own how they will vote this November. All I ask is that you are very aware of the children around you and the impression you are leaving on them. Politics is everywhere, and they will have to deal with it eventually. But let them come to it on their own terms, not yours. Please keep your nastiness off of Facebook which was originally our younger generations', and now they have left to go Twitter because the old folks took it over. Is that not a hint that they are tired of our rants?
Thanks for taking the time,
Jo Lynn
I am at an age in life where I speak my mind when asked, and I speak it honestly. But I don't feel that it is necessary to brow beat everyone I meet that may differ in my opinion over just about every issue that is discussed in today's media, social sites and even Church on Sunday.
If you are not careful, you can lose some of your dearest friends that ten years ago you would have never even dreamed of knowing their political views. Now it seems that everyone must shout theirs' from the mountain tops! It reminds me of the time my husband told me, let's see it has to have been at least 20 years ago because our son is almost 16, that he didn't need to bring a child in to this world. It was not a place that he felt he wanted to subject a child to, and that it was only going to get worse. Boy was he right! Maybe we can start charging a fee for him to foresee the future instead of me trying to sell books ???
Well as stated above, our 16 year old son was born and very much planned after all. It seems even my husband was too enticed with the idea of carrying on his name and leaving some sort of mark on this world. Holding his breath that he wasn't leaving his son to the fears he had for our countries' and this global planets foreboding future.
I will do my level best to avoid any sensitive subjects for the next 60 days and decline any social gatherings and events that include politically passionate people. It is one thing to be passionate and another to be abrasive and rude. To wish someone dead just because they speak their mind, and are strong in their opinions plus Lord forbid homosexual, is just one example of how what you may feel is meant to be humorous, but is just down right truly appalling.
I am just a simple girl, who wants to watch the news and to look on FB to stay informed. Not to be blasted by personal opinion and biased views of what the world needs today. I have given both of my children the opportunity to judge for themselves. I have never forced a religious view or a political view on them. I have however, forced politeness, kindness, and listening and learning upon them. I know that as individuals they will make the right decisions as I have taught them to LOVE all man kind and to accept the unaccepted. To see the right where there is wrong and to seek out the best in people as we all make mistakes. My job as a parent is the only thing I feel that I can actually do to help change the world. Make it a more understanding place where everyone feels they have a voice without hate and violence attached.
This may seem very unrealistic to most of us old folks, but I do believe that the younger generation is ready for a change. They no longer want to fight over the color of skin, or if you believe Jesus is the Savior, or if you are Pro-Choice. They want to live happy lives with freedoms that come from tolerance. No Bullies. No Platforms. Just a life where they can walk their dog in safety and they can jump from cliffs in foreign countries without the fear of being kidnapped. They want to raise their families free from controversy and stress that doesn't apply to them in the day to day. They want to know that we are all equal and some need more help than others and if you want to point fingers and say they must be lazy, then maybe they will be the ones who lend a helping hand. Yes, it would be wonderful if they were independently wealthy... money does make things easier. However, I have raised mine to understand the meaning of a dollar and I know that they would give the shirt off their back for someone in need.
Lazy people who want handouts are not always what they seem. YES... some are, and they work the system! Shame on them. But they are not the majority. Some just do not have the capabilities or the opportunities that my children have and I certainly hope that I have shown them the difference. My children have seen both sides, as I have always tried to see both sides. I will let them come to their own conclusions and maybe, just maybe with this new generation, things can change.
It's time for my platform to shut down and to allow the rest of this country to decide on their own how they will vote this November. All I ask is that you are very aware of the children around you and the impression you are leaving on them. Politics is everywhere, and they will have to deal with it eventually. But let them come to it on their own terms, not yours. Please keep your nastiness off of Facebook which was originally our younger generations', and now they have left to go Twitter because the old folks took it over. Is that not a hint that they are tired of our rants?
Thanks for taking the time,
Jo Lynn
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Do YOU dine alone?
I never use to go anywhere alone. It wasn't until I heard my friend tell me that she goes to the movies by herself all the time, that I even CONSIDERED this idea. Then I learned that my daughter has done the same thing many times and I was so impressed, that I thought I should give it a try.
I must say that it is very empowering to have the confidence to walk in to a restaurant and say "just one". It felt a tad lonely speaking the words, but when I was actually seated for the first time and knew that I was beginning a new adventure, it felt awesome.
I must tell you of my last outing while dining alone which happened just over a week ago. Now I know some of you who do this sort of thing all the time are probably thinking, what's the big deal? Well, when you have had a boyfriend/husband and family and friends out the ying yang for years, it never occurs to you to eat alone. It's a choice. A choice that I have really grown to enjoy. My husband eats alone everyday and it never even dawned on me, that I could do the same. I eat at home alone all the time, why not in public? Will people feel sorry for me? I don't know because I rarely notice people eating alone and that is probably because I am so wrapped up in my non stop chatter with my companion of the day.
It was a beautiful summer evening, probably about 80 with a wonderful breeze blowing at just the right speed that it felt 70. I was seated at a table of four, with a beautiful view of children playing on a playground and shoppers walking past with conversation and smiles that made me wonder about their lives as I sat sipping my wine and dipping my bread in the fantastic oil. I decided to order an appetizer which I rarely do, because it is simply too much to eat. But I thought as I sat there, that this was just too perfect of a spot and evening to not share it with someone. So I ordered it to tide me over until I found a companion to join me. (Fried green tomatoes with Parmesan Cream Sauce, Yum) I first asked my husband, who was already 30 minutes west of me at home and tired, therefore he declined but told me to enjoy. I then proceeded to text all the gals I knew that lived near by and did not have family obligations at this hour. I ended up texting 6 different women and not one replied. I felt that I had waited a sufficient amount of time, so I ordered my favorite on the menu. Which is basically the house salad that has alfalfa and sunflower seeds in it and a side of blue cheese.
As I glanced around and took in all that I could because I was truly present in the moment, I noticed a woman sitting also alone at a table of four, however her back was toward me and I couldn't tell if she was finished eating, but I noticed that she was reading. The chair next to her held a portfolio type of Black Book, not a purse and she used a stand to hold her book up. This led me to the simple conclusion that she was an avid reader. Now I know this is bad, but I am always looking to pitch my book in the hopes that it will eventually get in the right hands and become a best seller. So yes, my ulterior motive was not the best, but it allowed me to have the courage to ask about this woman to the waitress we shared. The outdoor seating was becoming full and we were taking up tables. What harm would it be to ask her to join me? So I got up the nerve to ask the waitress if the lady was finished eating and if it would be weird if I asked her to join me for an after dinner cocktail. The waitress confirmed that she was indeed alone and finished eating.
So I walked over, never seeing her face and tapped her on the shoulder and said " hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help noticing that we are both dining alone and I was wondering if you would like to join me? It would free up a table and we may just have something in common." She looked up at me and I was prepared for something like " oh I'm sorry, I need to be somewhere, but thank you" instead she replied with a surprisingly delighted tone " yes, I would love too, thank you" and she gathered her things and came and sat with me.
As we began to get to know one another, I was realizing just exactly how much I was enjoying this whole experience. Two random people just learning about one another and finding out each other to be extremely interesting. As it turned out, she was a minister! Now... I was floored by this knowledge and began to look at this meeting as much more than just a random chance encounter. She spoke my language and she wasn't the traditional minister. She worships through song and dance and boy did that sound right up my alley. I loved hearing her philosophy on religion vs. spirituality, and she never judged me when I told her that I struggled with the whole God thing. She wasn't pushy and she never sounded like a scripture quoting robot.
I gave her a copy of my book and my personal contact information and told her that I would love to hear her preach sometime. She received a phone call while we were sitting there, and felt she really needed to take it even though she felt it was rude. She spoke so eloquently to the person on the other line about meeting them to walk and talk about the Lord. I was hooked. I was enamored by this woman. I felt an immediate connection to her and as we wrapped up our conversation so that I could make it home before dark, she invited me to come dance the next time she was in my area and told me she would get back to me about her thoughts on my book. We hugged and went our seperate ways. This night felt so much like a divine appointment. That the higher power was in control because it knows of my daily struggles. I was excited and flying high with hope that this chance meeting was going to change my life. I was so excited that I rushed home to share the news with my husband.
You would think that by now, I would know him well enough to expect that he does not believe in chance encounters for a higher purpose. He is a realist and things are just black and white. It means nothing that I have been struggling and then poof... a minister shows up in my life? When I told him how this all went down, he seemed very uninterested and unimpressed and squashed every idea I had about it being a divine orchestrated event to get me closer to God. He doesn't believe that things like that truly happen. Basically, he was the killjoy who burst my bubble as usual. No sugar coating anything from him. He tells it like he sees it. But it crushed me, I really NEEDED this to be my way back in to the Holy Spirit and he stomped on it like a bug. But maybe he was right, I haven't heard a peep from this widow of seven years who is about a decade older than me. I don't know why I think she should be the one contacting me. But I really thought she would, and now that she hasn't, (this happened on the 12th of June) I'm beginning to think my husband is right. Maybe she is just too busy, or maybe something happened in her life that has kept her from thinking of me. But I haven't stopped thinking of her because she touched me.
I find it hard to believe that after texting six people and NONE of them responded that I wasn't meant to meet this woman. But now what? I reach out to her? Do I wait and see if she responds to me, just not on my timeline? I am sad, and my hopes are feeling smaller and smaller each day. It doesn't help to live with a man who has the emotional depth of a turnip. She told me she would counsel me and include me in her rehearsals for dance and song ceremonies. I really want to do all of that, but I don't want to seem desperate. So my experience, was lovely and I will always remember it. I will dine alone again, maybe often. I will search on my own to find my relationship with the higher power. But I am deep, and I do read a great deal in to things. My heart is sensitive and wide open, ready to listen and learn. I hope that you all sit and dine alone sometime, and get that strong and empowering feeling it gives you to have the confidence to do just that. Freedom. Freedom feels Fantastic! If I listened to my inner voice and my own intuition, this habit would take place on a much more regular basis.
Do you believe this was an appointed event?
Do you feel that I should reach out to her and not the other way around?
Do you dine alone?
Do you feel that things happen for a reason?
This is my journey back to having a relationship with God and it feels like an out of control roller coaster. Scripture does not help me, I know that to be certain. Not sure what will, but I am not going to give up trying. I'll find my purpose, and I will live up to my full potential eventually. I am listening to the whispers.
Share your stories and give me your insight. I love everyone's opinion.
Thanks for reading,
Jo Lynn ;D
I must say that it is very empowering to have the confidence to walk in to a restaurant and say "just one". It felt a tad lonely speaking the words, but when I was actually seated for the first time and knew that I was beginning a new adventure, it felt awesome.
I must tell you of my last outing while dining alone which happened just over a week ago. Now I know some of you who do this sort of thing all the time are probably thinking, what's the big deal? Well, when you have had a boyfriend/husband and family and friends out the ying yang for years, it never occurs to you to eat alone. It's a choice. A choice that I have really grown to enjoy. My husband eats alone everyday and it never even dawned on me, that I could do the same. I eat at home alone all the time, why not in public? Will people feel sorry for me? I don't know because I rarely notice people eating alone and that is probably because I am so wrapped up in my non stop chatter with my companion of the day.
It was a beautiful summer evening, probably about 80 with a wonderful breeze blowing at just the right speed that it felt 70. I was seated at a table of four, with a beautiful view of children playing on a playground and shoppers walking past with conversation and smiles that made me wonder about their lives as I sat sipping my wine and dipping my bread in the fantastic oil. I decided to order an appetizer which I rarely do, because it is simply too much to eat. But I thought as I sat there, that this was just too perfect of a spot and evening to not share it with someone. So I ordered it to tide me over until I found a companion to join me. (Fried green tomatoes with Parmesan Cream Sauce, Yum) I first asked my husband, who was already 30 minutes west of me at home and tired, therefore he declined but told me to enjoy. I then proceeded to text all the gals I knew that lived near by and did not have family obligations at this hour. I ended up texting 6 different women and not one replied. I felt that I had waited a sufficient amount of time, so I ordered my favorite on the menu. Which is basically the house salad that has alfalfa and sunflower seeds in it and a side of blue cheese.
As I glanced around and took in all that I could because I was truly present in the moment, I noticed a woman sitting also alone at a table of four, however her back was toward me and I couldn't tell if she was finished eating, but I noticed that she was reading. The chair next to her held a portfolio type of Black Book, not a purse and she used a stand to hold her book up. This led me to the simple conclusion that she was an avid reader. Now I know this is bad, but I am always looking to pitch my book in the hopes that it will eventually get in the right hands and become a best seller. So yes, my ulterior motive was not the best, but it allowed me to have the courage to ask about this woman to the waitress we shared. The outdoor seating was becoming full and we were taking up tables. What harm would it be to ask her to join me? So I got up the nerve to ask the waitress if the lady was finished eating and if it would be weird if I asked her to join me for an after dinner cocktail. The waitress confirmed that she was indeed alone and finished eating.
So I walked over, never seeing her face and tapped her on the shoulder and said " hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help noticing that we are both dining alone and I was wondering if you would like to join me? It would free up a table and we may just have something in common." She looked up at me and I was prepared for something like " oh I'm sorry, I need to be somewhere, but thank you" instead she replied with a surprisingly delighted tone " yes, I would love too, thank you" and she gathered her things and came and sat with me.
As we began to get to know one another, I was realizing just exactly how much I was enjoying this whole experience. Two random people just learning about one another and finding out each other to be extremely interesting. As it turned out, she was a minister! Now... I was floored by this knowledge and began to look at this meeting as much more than just a random chance encounter. She spoke my language and she wasn't the traditional minister. She worships through song and dance and boy did that sound right up my alley. I loved hearing her philosophy on religion vs. spirituality, and she never judged me when I told her that I struggled with the whole God thing. She wasn't pushy and she never sounded like a scripture quoting robot.
I gave her a copy of my book and my personal contact information and told her that I would love to hear her preach sometime. She received a phone call while we were sitting there, and felt she really needed to take it even though she felt it was rude. She spoke so eloquently to the person on the other line about meeting them to walk and talk about the Lord. I was hooked. I was enamored by this woman. I felt an immediate connection to her and as we wrapped up our conversation so that I could make it home before dark, she invited me to come dance the next time she was in my area and told me she would get back to me about her thoughts on my book. We hugged and went our seperate ways. This night felt so much like a divine appointment. That the higher power was in control because it knows of my daily struggles. I was excited and flying high with hope that this chance meeting was going to change my life. I was so excited that I rushed home to share the news with my husband.
You would think that by now, I would know him well enough to expect that he does not believe in chance encounters for a higher purpose. He is a realist and things are just black and white. It means nothing that I have been struggling and then poof... a minister shows up in my life? When I told him how this all went down, he seemed very uninterested and unimpressed and squashed every idea I had about it being a divine orchestrated event to get me closer to God. He doesn't believe that things like that truly happen. Basically, he was the killjoy who burst my bubble as usual. No sugar coating anything from him. He tells it like he sees it. But it crushed me, I really NEEDED this to be my way back in to the Holy Spirit and he stomped on it like a bug. But maybe he was right, I haven't heard a peep from this widow of seven years who is about a decade older than me. I don't know why I think she should be the one contacting me. But I really thought she would, and now that she hasn't, (this happened on the 12th of June) I'm beginning to think my husband is right. Maybe she is just too busy, or maybe something happened in her life that has kept her from thinking of me. But I haven't stopped thinking of her because she touched me.
I find it hard to believe that after texting six people and NONE of them responded that I wasn't meant to meet this woman. But now what? I reach out to her? Do I wait and see if she responds to me, just not on my timeline? I am sad, and my hopes are feeling smaller and smaller each day. It doesn't help to live with a man who has the emotional depth of a turnip. She told me she would counsel me and include me in her rehearsals for dance and song ceremonies. I really want to do all of that, but I don't want to seem desperate. So my experience, was lovely and I will always remember it. I will dine alone again, maybe often. I will search on my own to find my relationship with the higher power. But I am deep, and I do read a great deal in to things. My heart is sensitive and wide open, ready to listen and learn. I hope that you all sit and dine alone sometime, and get that strong and empowering feeling it gives you to have the confidence to do just that. Freedom. Freedom feels Fantastic! If I listened to my inner voice and my own intuition, this habit would take place on a much more regular basis.
Do you believe this was an appointed event?
Do you feel that I should reach out to her and not the other way around?
Do you dine alone?
Do you feel that things happen for a reason?
This is my journey back to having a relationship with God and it feels like an out of control roller coaster. Scripture does not help me, I know that to be certain. Not sure what will, but I am not going to give up trying. I'll find my purpose, and I will live up to my full potential eventually. I am listening to the whispers.
Share your stories and give me your insight. I love everyone's opinion.
Thanks for reading,
Jo Lynn ;D
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Do YOU believe?
If you have read my book "I Can't Relate" by Jo Lynn Sudenly A Simple Girl with a Complicated Life, then you know that I have struggled with my faith for several years now. It seems that having multiple tragedies topple upon you in a very short amount of time, can wear down the thought that you have a Guardian Angel up there of any kind.
My daughter, who is in the book in a very BIG way, has never wavered in her faith since she was 10 years old and began going to Church with a neighbor friend. My husband and I neither had any desire to attend and it was her idea to convince us that we should give it a try. My husband declined, but I however decided that I should at least attempt this idea, as my girl was pretty sharp in her proposal and I hated to say no to such a sweet and truly touched child.
I began one week after Easter in 1995, I remember because I felt it was silly to go on the day of Easter just because EVERYONE goes then and I felt like a fake. My daughter was in her Sunday School class, which meant that I would find a place on my own in the pews. When the minister came out for the first time, I felt an immediate connection and liking of the man. It was as if he had seen me "standing out" not belonging possibly... in the crowd and decided to speak directly to me. His sermon was on Doubting Thomas of all things and it drove right through me. I felt strongly that this was where I was going to renew my relationship with God. I had been baptized when I was 11 or 12, but really didn't know what that meant or the magnitude of the ceremony. I "went forward" because the song "The old rugged cross" made me tear up and I thought it must mean something, so I walked that aisle and told Reverend Shipley that I was ready. After that big day, I didn't feel any different and I went on to be a very un-Christ Like child. (note... read my book)
I stopped going to Church when I was about 16 and able to drive and to find much more exciting things to do. I never went back and honestly, everything I heard during those few years did not hold any place in my head or my heart. I had completely forgotten everything those wonderful Vacation Bible School teachers had tried to teach me.
So when my daughter approached me, and I connected so quickly with this small Church and this Minister who went by the name Larry, I was hooked. Larry held a small class of newcomers who he tried to instill the basic fundamentals of the Bible. I really worked hard at retaining the information, taking notes and going over them when I was alone at home. I signed up to sing in the choir, and boy I loved that! I love to sing and to worship through song, it was amazing and it touched my heart more than any rehearsed sermon ever had. I fell in love with the people and the things they were doing to help the community. We would go to places downtown that were in need of many things and far worse off than I had ever been in my life and we would lift their spirits with our song and it felt oh so wonderful. I did this all without a single companion except God himself. It felt empowering to be able to go and have the confidence to sing in front of others when I had never really been told that I could carry a tune. Smiling out to strangers and have them looking back at me with such hope and smiles as well.
I went to Sunday School, I went to Wednesday night dinners, I joined an "in home" fellowship group and I did this all without my husband, or a single friend to stand by my side. I was an independent soldier in the search for my God. I finally felt confident that I could share my Church with my parents and it was wonderful that they decided to join me. I wasn't sure how long it had been since they too had entered the house of the Lord. I was pregnant now and I was really enjoying the free counseling that Larry was giving me on all the worries of my new adventure after being a Mother of one for 12 years.
As I stood in the choir with my belly growing larger and no man by my side, it seems that I caught the eye of a woman in the congregation that felt I may be a single mother. She soon joined the choir and propped herself next to me at every scheduled practice. At first I found her to be very genuine and overly caring. My guard was up a bit, as I do seem to have a particular vibe for gay-dar and she fit the bill and stereotype to the tee. I won't go in to details on that, because I feel it is very unfair and judgemental to do so. I love gay people. Period. This is why I have such a hard time with the Bible. I do not believe that they have any choice what so ever to choose this way of life. That is a topic for another blog, but I did feel right away that she may be gay. I even asked her belief on the subject soon after we become close friends and she told me that it was wrong and the Bible says it is an abomination and that it goes against everything God wants for us. Therefore I let my guard down and allowed her to become a very large part of my life AND my families life. She was there when my infant son was crying non-stop and she took him so that my husband and I could go out on dates. She went to the store for me, she did my laundry and she played non stop with both of the children. She became a member of our family and she gave me someone to talk to about God and she gave me someone to talk to about everything. A personal, sometimes live-in girlfriend and counselor.
It wasn't until after my Mom pointed out to me that she felt something was very "off" about the way this woman looked at me. As though I was her partner and that my son was her son. Even though she knew I was married, she would often remark "doesn't your husband have a hobby like fishing or something where he goes away for a while?" and then the icing on the cake was when she told me that my bed, as she laid sprawled across it after folding my husbands underwear, that my bed was her "happy place" that I finally realized that I had a problem on my hands. She was not only looking for a family of her own, but she was in love with me. She told me constantly that I was the "coolest" person she ever knew and that she could be around me and live with me forever. I discounted these comments as something a woman who has never had many friends to say. She was a large woman, and had gone to a baptist school as a child and had two older brothers that always made fun of her. I feel now that she could have possibly been abused and that she was definitely gay and was pushing those feelings down, while having a fantasy about taking over my husbands role in my family, including me.
Although I was torn to have a discussion with her, as I did truly care and possibly love her. She did so many errands and things for me, and helped the whole family so much that I knew if it continued that I would just be using her and not letting her move on to find her own life. So I did. Needless to say, it did not go well. It was like a divorce and she was tortured by not seeing my son after being with him since he was born. She had shared every day of our lives for three years and now I was asking for my key back.
The Church that I had fallen in love with was her Church. She went there first and I didn't think I (and at this point, my son and daughter) could continue to go there. It also made things easier when I learned that the minister I loved and trusted and knew without a shadow of a doubt was the REAL DEAL, was leaving to open a Church in Nova Scotia for cryin' out loud! It crushed me. I gave the new guy a short chance and he was very young and made no impression on me what so ever. So we left. For Good. I gave up on Church after feeling like something so painful could happen right in side it's doors. She had admitted to "scoping" me out and thinking she could worm her way in to my life. Creepy. Wasn't God watching?
My daughter however, went to Church with her friends every Sunday without miss. Even when she had been up late the night before and possibly just a few hours of sleep, she went to Church. Through high school parties and events, she put God first. No support from me, just on her own. She went to Church every Christmas Eve alone, no matter what town she lived in, or if she were in college, she would search for a place to go. Even after her horrific turn of events, she went to Church. She was never angered at God. She turned to him for comfort and surrendered herself to him.
My point is... maybe you are BORN with faith?
If I get any feedback or comments from this post, I will tell you of an experience I had the other evening that I felt God had his hand in. Days have past now and I am beginning to think otherwise and it is upsetting. I will also tell you why I feel that way as well. But you must comment about faith before I continue.
Please have a discussion or conversation with me about your faith, would you please? Any and all religions and any and all sexualities. Please open my eyes to how you feel about this topic.
Thank you for reading,
Jo Lynn
My daughter, who is in the book in a very BIG way, has never wavered in her faith since she was 10 years old and began going to Church with a neighbor friend. My husband and I neither had any desire to attend and it was her idea to convince us that we should give it a try. My husband declined, but I however decided that I should at least attempt this idea, as my girl was pretty sharp in her proposal and I hated to say no to such a sweet and truly touched child.
I began one week after Easter in 1995, I remember because I felt it was silly to go on the day of Easter just because EVERYONE goes then and I felt like a fake. My daughter was in her Sunday School class, which meant that I would find a place on my own in the pews. When the minister came out for the first time, I felt an immediate connection and liking of the man. It was as if he had seen me "standing out" not belonging possibly... in the crowd and decided to speak directly to me. His sermon was on Doubting Thomas of all things and it drove right through me. I felt strongly that this was where I was going to renew my relationship with God. I had been baptized when I was 11 or 12, but really didn't know what that meant or the magnitude of the ceremony. I "went forward" because the song "The old rugged cross" made me tear up and I thought it must mean something, so I walked that aisle and told Reverend Shipley that I was ready. After that big day, I didn't feel any different and I went on to be a very un-Christ Like child. (note... read my book)
I stopped going to Church when I was about 16 and able to drive and to find much more exciting things to do. I never went back and honestly, everything I heard during those few years did not hold any place in my head or my heart. I had completely forgotten everything those wonderful Vacation Bible School teachers had tried to teach me.
So when my daughter approached me, and I connected so quickly with this small Church and this Minister who went by the name Larry, I was hooked. Larry held a small class of newcomers who he tried to instill the basic fundamentals of the Bible. I really worked hard at retaining the information, taking notes and going over them when I was alone at home. I signed up to sing in the choir, and boy I loved that! I love to sing and to worship through song, it was amazing and it touched my heart more than any rehearsed sermon ever had. I fell in love with the people and the things they were doing to help the community. We would go to places downtown that were in need of many things and far worse off than I had ever been in my life and we would lift their spirits with our song and it felt oh so wonderful. I did this all without a single companion except God himself. It felt empowering to be able to go and have the confidence to sing in front of others when I had never really been told that I could carry a tune. Smiling out to strangers and have them looking back at me with such hope and smiles as well.
I went to Sunday School, I went to Wednesday night dinners, I joined an "in home" fellowship group and I did this all without my husband, or a single friend to stand by my side. I was an independent soldier in the search for my God. I finally felt confident that I could share my Church with my parents and it was wonderful that they decided to join me. I wasn't sure how long it had been since they too had entered the house of the Lord. I was pregnant now and I was really enjoying the free counseling that Larry was giving me on all the worries of my new adventure after being a Mother of one for 12 years.
As I stood in the choir with my belly growing larger and no man by my side, it seems that I caught the eye of a woman in the congregation that felt I may be a single mother. She soon joined the choir and propped herself next to me at every scheduled practice. At first I found her to be very genuine and overly caring. My guard was up a bit, as I do seem to have a particular vibe for gay-dar and she fit the bill and stereotype to the tee. I won't go in to details on that, because I feel it is very unfair and judgemental to do so. I love gay people. Period. This is why I have such a hard time with the Bible. I do not believe that they have any choice what so ever to choose this way of life. That is a topic for another blog, but I did feel right away that she may be gay. I even asked her belief on the subject soon after we become close friends and she told me that it was wrong and the Bible says it is an abomination and that it goes against everything God wants for us. Therefore I let my guard down and allowed her to become a very large part of my life AND my families life. She was there when my infant son was crying non-stop and she took him so that my husband and I could go out on dates. She went to the store for me, she did my laundry and she played non stop with both of the children. She became a member of our family and she gave me someone to talk to about God and she gave me someone to talk to about everything. A personal, sometimes live-in girlfriend and counselor.
It wasn't until after my Mom pointed out to me that she felt something was very "off" about the way this woman looked at me. As though I was her partner and that my son was her son. Even though she knew I was married, she would often remark "doesn't your husband have a hobby like fishing or something where he goes away for a while?" and then the icing on the cake was when she told me that my bed, as she laid sprawled across it after folding my husbands underwear, that my bed was her "happy place" that I finally realized that I had a problem on my hands. She was not only looking for a family of her own, but she was in love with me. She told me constantly that I was the "coolest" person she ever knew and that she could be around me and live with me forever. I discounted these comments as something a woman who has never had many friends to say. She was a large woman, and had gone to a baptist school as a child and had two older brothers that always made fun of her. I feel now that she could have possibly been abused and that she was definitely gay and was pushing those feelings down, while having a fantasy about taking over my husbands role in my family, including me.
Although I was torn to have a discussion with her, as I did truly care and possibly love her. She did so many errands and things for me, and helped the whole family so much that I knew if it continued that I would just be using her and not letting her move on to find her own life. So I did. Needless to say, it did not go well. It was like a divorce and she was tortured by not seeing my son after being with him since he was born. She had shared every day of our lives for three years and now I was asking for my key back.
The Church that I had fallen in love with was her Church. She went there first and I didn't think I (and at this point, my son and daughter) could continue to go there. It also made things easier when I learned that the minister I loved and trusted and knew without a shadow of a doubt was the REAL DEAL, was leaving to open a Church in Nova Scotia for cryin' out loud! It crushed me. I gave the new guy a short chance and he was very young and made no impression on me what so ever. So we left. For Good. I gave up on Church after feeling like something so painful could happen right in side it's doors. She had admitted to "scoping" me out and thinking she could worm her way in to my life. Creepy. Wasn't God watching?
My daughter however, went to Church with her friends every Sunday without miss. Even when she had been up late the night before and possibly just a few hours of sleep, she went to Church. Through high school parties and events, she put God first. No support from me, just on her own. She went to Church every Christmas Eve alone, no matter what town she lived in, or if she were in college, she would search for a place to go. Even after her horrific turn of events, she went to Church. She was never angered at God. She turned to him for comfort and surrendered herself to him.
My point is... maybe you are BORN with faith?
If I get any feedback or comments from this post, I will tell you of an experience I had the other evening that I felt God had his hand in. Days have past now and I am beginning to think otherwise and it is upsetting. I will also tell you why I feel that way as well. But you must comment about faith before I continue.
Please have a discussion or conversation with me about your faith, would you please? Any and all religions and any and all sexualities. Please open my eyes to how you feel about this topic.
Thank you for reading,
Jo Lynn
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Three Cheers for NO Tears !
Well the May issue of Indianapolis Woman Monthly magazine has finally arrived. If you turn to page 11, you will find the header SHELF LIFE and a review of my book "I Can't Relate" A Story of a Simple Girl with a Complicated Life by Jo Lynn Sudenly.
HOW COOL IS THAT ?????
My book doesn't suck.... yippee!
Although I would have preferred a four star rating, I will happily accept and brag about the 3.5 she gave me. Her words felt like a four to me, thats' what really counts right? It has given me the confidence to continue forward and the validation that, yes I am an AUTHOR!
I wonder how many times it is going to take me to walk in to the Barnes and Noble store and look around for my book, (they moved it from the end cap, now it is still facing outward, but on the big shelf of biographies) for me to believe that I really DID it ! I really did publish a book and now I am an Author.
Doesn't seem real to me at all. I suppose because I have always been one to cut myself down and this goes against that mantra and now I am suppose to be proud. I can only remember a few times in my life when I felt pride.
When I took the stand in court to fight for custody of my child and won, after being lied about and beaten down by an "educated" man who cried to try and win over the judge and failed. HA HA !
When I talked down a full grown man bully from trying to take over the rules of my adult soccer team that I had established and enforced against his persistent rants of displeasure, I never caved. HA HA !
When I ran the mini marathon at age 43 and beat my time by 30 minutes from the mini I had ran when I was 19, take THAT 19 year old self. HA HA!
When I stood up and told the courtroom full of people how I felt about the rape of my daughter and the ridiculousness of the stupid plea bargain for a lesser charge. HA ! HA !
When I walked in to a bar and told off quite loudly, the woman who was trying to seduce my husband for tips. HA! HA !
When I called out a parent who was allowing their child to sex text my child. HA ! HA! (she said it was harmless and thats what kids do these days) geez oh pete woman.
There are too many prideful moments about my kids to even begin to write down. But these are the proud moments for myself. Now I am proud to be an Author, and I hope to make myself even more proud by promoting it and pushing it, until it gets the message to every hurting person out there. Take the time to think of your proud moments. Not your kids, not your husband. YOU ! There are some, few but some right? It's okay to pat yourself on the back every now and then.
Please won't you read my review and share my story?
Thank you, and thank you again.
Jo Lynn
www.indianapoliswoman.com
HOW COOL IS THAT ?????
My book doesn't suck.... yippee!
Although I would have preferred a four star rating, I will happily accept and brag about the 3.5 she gave me. Her words felt like a four to me, thats' what really counts right? It has given me the confidence to continue forward and the validation that, yes I am an AUTHOR!
I wonder how many times it is going to take me to walk in to the Barnes and Noble store and look around for my book, (they moved it from the end cap, now it is still facing outward, but on the big shelf of biographies) for me to believe that I really DID it ! I really did publish a book and now I am an Author.
Doesn't seem real to me at all. I suppose because I have always been one to cut myself down and this goes against that mantra and now I am suppose to be proud. I can only remember a few times in my life when I felt pride.
When I took the stand in court to fight for custody of my child and won, after being lied about and beaten down by an "educated" man who cried to try and win over the judge and failed. HA HA !
When I talked down a full grown man bully from trying to take over the rules of my adult soccer team that I had established and enforced against his persistent rants of displeasure, I never caved. HA HA !
When I ran the mini marathon at age 43 and beat my time by 30 minutes from the mini I had ran when I was 19, take THAT 19 year old self. HA HA!
When I stood up and told the courtroom full of people how I felt about the rape of my daughter and the ridiculousness of the stupid plea bargain for a lesser charge. HA ! HA !
When I walked in to a bar and told off quite loudly, the woman who was trying to seduce my husband for tips. HA! HA !
When I called out a parent who was allowing their child to sex text my child. HA ! HA! (she said it was harmless and thats what kids do these days) geez oh pete woman.
There are too many prideful moments about my kids to even begin to write down. But these are the proud moments for myself. Now I am proud to be an Author, and I hope to make myself even more proud by promoting it and pushing it, until it gets the message to every hurting person out there. Take the time to think of your proud moments. Not your kids, not your husband. YOU ! There are some, few but some right? It's okay to pat yourself on the back every now and then.
Please won't you read my review and share my story?
Thank you, and thank you again.
Jo Lynn
www.indianapoliswoman.com
Monday, April 23, 2012
Just when you think you've failed...
All it takes is just a little sprig of excitement to elevate the level of motivation for me to work harder. I was beginning to think that my book had failed in the sense that it didn't reach masses of people in the time frame that I had personally given it.
I confess that I assumed that word of mouth via facebook and other social media, was all it was going to take to get it to spread like wild fire. Simply not the case, as a self publisher it is very difficult to continue to keep pushing and keep pushing your book. I am not very savvy with websites and Like buttons and Twitter and or even making this Blog anything special looking for that matter. So it takes money to make money and although I hate risking my families money to try and get this book flying, I will soon have additional validation of it's worthiness to continue this forward push.
My book has been selected to be reviewed in the Indianapolis Women's Monthly Magazine, May issue !
Although I am on pins and needles waiting to read it to see if it will be a positive review or not, I was given a small portion to go on "an emotional read". I think it could go up or down from there still, but I feel positive with that thus far. Enough to get my wheels turning and focus on the push again.
So stay tuned for either tears or joy and hopefully this will generate more exposure, enough to allow me to spend a little more money on help with my marketing. Royalties are tiny, especially when people buy it on the nook or when Amazon discounts it. This learning process will definitely help with my next one, if I can convince myself to take on such a challenge again and the feedback is strong enough for readers to want more.
If you are in the website design biz or the marketing industry and will do some minimal work for me for minimal pay, please leave me a comment. ;D
Or if you are just a kind soul and want to help for free, that works too.
Hope you get a sprig of excitement today!
Thanks y'all
I confess that I assumed that word of mouth via facebook and other social media, was all it was going to take to get it to spread like wild fire. Simply not the case, as a self publisher it is very difficult to continue to keep pushing and keep pushing your book. I am not very savvy with websites and Like buttons and Twitter and or even making this Blog anything special looking for that matter. So it takes money to make money and although I hate risking my families money to try and get this book flying, I will soon have additional validation of it's worthiness to continue this forward push.
My book has been selected to be reviewed in the Indianapolis Women's Monthly Magazine, May issue !
Although I am on pins and needles waiting to read it to see if it will be a positive review or not, I was given a small portion to go on "an emotional read". I think it could go up or down from there still, but I feel positive with that thus far. Enough to get my wheels turning and focus on the push again.
So stay tuned for either tears or joy and hopefully this will generate more exposure, enough to allow me to spend a little more money on help with my marketing. Royalties are tiny, especially when people buy it on the nook or when Amazon discounts it. This learning process will definitely help with my next one, if I can convince myself to take on such a challenge again and the feedback is strong enough for readers to want more.
If you are in the website design biz or the marketing industry and will do some minimal work for me for minimal pay, please leave me a comment. ;D
Or if you are just a kind soul and want to help for free, that works too.
Hope you get a sprig of excitement today!
Thanks y'all
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Been there Done that ...
I'm thinking of my Grandfather (Gramps) when using the phrase "been there, done that". When he had gotten to a certain age, he became one of those grumpy old men that had no desire to attend or see anything that he had already done or seen before. He had always been this jolly sort of fellow that smiled and laughed when everyone was around, and then it seemed he changed slowly in to this man that seemed forced to be where ever he was and left abruptly when he felt he had put his time in.
My thoughts turn to this, because I feel myself turning in to a grumpy old man and I am wondering if it is allowed at any particular age and often overlooked due to respect of that said person and the time they have already put in by attending things and or seeing people in the past. What was once a joy, is now an obligation.
When considering this, and hoping that it will be my turn soon to wave off events because they are nothing new, I ask myself if it is because I don't feel physically well and therefore have to put on a mask and pretend that I am wonderful? Or if it is purely out of thoughts of boredom while preparing for such tasks, that I sincerely and honestly don't like to repeat things over and over. I can probably answer that question easily, because as I sit here right now typing, my back is killing me and I have a sinus headache to beat the band and no one really wants to hear that whiny stuff. So if I am going to have to drug myself up in order to be pleasant, rather than sit here in my misery and drive a gazillion miles to this place that is costing me cash just to get there because my husband chooses to live in the boonies, then I become a grumpy old woman who turns things in to tasks instead of enjoyment.
What brings me joy these days that I can watch over and over?
1. My son and his father playing basketball together. A goal that is against the barn with gravel as the court and it was hung by his father 6 years ago and my son never wanted to play and he would complain that he couldn't bounce the ball in rocks. To which my husband would reply "oh get over it, we use to play in grass and weeds and then it finally turned to dirt, which was really bad after it rained"
So even though I liked the looks of this lonely basketball rim and net on the barn, it was still brand new. Now my son is out there daily and when my husband hears that ball bouncing in the gravel, he comes out of his man cave and joins him in several games of horse or pig depending on any time restraints either may have.
Joy comes in the hopes that your child hits a home run after two failed bunts and you get to jump up and scream and holler. Joy comes in hearing laughter out of a baby that just won't quit. Joy comes in so many forms that can be repeated and yet if you don't show up, you may miss those moments. So although it may seem like a lot of effort to pull myself together, I show up.
Right now, I am feeling great joy that my husband is taking the trash out because it smells and I can sit here and type without him bugging me to get ready to leave and go cut down trees in an old lot we still own and very much need to sell. So I am going to search for the joy today. I am going to put my grumpy hat on the shelf for just a bit longer and then when and if I feel like it I will pull it out and I will say "sorry, I've already done that, no need to do it again"
What are your joy moments?
I hope you get to see them soon.
Ta Ta for Now,
Jen/Jo
My thoughts turn to this, because I feel myself turning in to a grumpy old man and I am wondering if it is allowed at any particular age and often overlooked due to respect of that said person and the time they have already put in by attending things and or seeing people in the past. What was once a joy, is now an obligation.
When considering this, and hoping that it will be my turn soon to wave off events because they are nothing new, I ask myself if it is because I don't feel physically well and therefore have to put on a mask and pretend that I am wonderful? Or if it is purely out of thoughts of boredom while preparing for such tasks, that I sincerely and honestly don't like to repeat things over and over. I can probably answer that question easily, because as I sit here right now typing, my back is killing me and I have a sinus headache to beat the band and no one really wants to hear that whiny stuff. So if I am going to have to drug myself up in order to be pleasant, rather than sit here in my misery and drive a gazillion miles to this place that is costing me cash just to get there because my husband chooses to live in the boonies, then I become a grumpy old woman who turns things in to tasks instead of enjoyment.
What brings me joy these days that I can watch over and over?
1. My son and his father playing basketball together. A goal that is against the barn with gravel as the court and it was hung by his father 6 years ago and my son never wanted to play and he would complain that he couldn't bounce the ball in rocks. To which my husband would reply "oh get over it, we use to play in grass and weeds and then it finally turned to dirt, which was really bad after it rained"
So even though I liked the looks of this lonely basketball rim and net on the barn, it was still brand new. Now my son is out there daily and when my husband hears that ball bouncing in the gravel, he comes out of his man cave and joins him in several games of horse or pig depending on any time restraints either may have.
Joy comes in the hopes that your child hits a home run after two failed bunts and you get to jump up and scream and holler. Joy comes in hearing laughter out of a baby that just won't quit. Joy comes in so many forms that can be repeated and yet if you don't show up, you may miss those moments. So although it may seem like a lot of effort to pull myself together, I show up.
Right now, I am feeling great joy that my husband is taking the trash out because it smells and I can sit here and type without him bugging me to get ready to leave and go cut down trees in an old lot we still own and very much need to sell. So I am going to search for the joy today. I am going to put my grumpy hat on the shelf for just a bit longer and then when and if I feel like it I will pull it out and I will say "sorry, I've already done that, no need to do it again"
What are your joy moments?
I hope you get to see them soon.
Ta Ta for Now,
Jen/Jo
Saturday, February 18, 2012
I finally sold enough books to get in the actual store and on a shelf where people can see me and find me easily ! Thanks to all of you who have shared my story, that is the only way this is possible. Word of mouth and I owe all of you a HUGE thanks for finding my book the hard way.
A friend of mine text me a picture of it last night and I was a pile of happy tears on the floor. I just can't relay to you the validation and pure joy that it brought me to see that it, my book, was worthy of being on the end cap of the store and ABOVE the Queen no less. How absolutely cool is that ?
To my younger followers who I have inspired to write, I want you to see this and know that your dreams are hard to achieve, and you will be so low at times and then something will lift you higher than you ever thought you could be.
Self Worth is something that a lot of people struggle with ( and a lot don't as well , ugh to them ) but putting your mind to something and going through with it no matter what storm it brings, will make that beautiful rainbow at the end so very bright that even you can't believe it was really you that did it. YOU did it! I DID IT !!!!!!!
You know who I'm talking to girls, and I want to see some more of your work soon. You are better writers than I am, and look what can happen!
Good Luck to you, and again thanks to all of my loving supporters !
Keep on SHARING and try to RELATE !
Jo Lynn
www.jenjohere.com
Keep on SHARING and try to RELATE !
Jo Lynn
www.jenjohere.com
Friday, January 27, 2012
WWW.jenjohere.com Visit my website where you are able to purchase my book and have it personally signed by me. Thank you !
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Super Bowl for Indy in Just Days Away !
Being and living in Indianapolis my whole, well very close to it at least, life has given me such pride when I now can mention the name of the city to people around the country and they actually know where that is and the amazing events that we have held here. Not only have we always been known for the Indianapolis 500, and now the Brickyard 400. Now we have made a name for ourselves in the convention world with Black Expo and FFA and many others. Now an even larger viewing spectator sport of the Super Bowl has arrived and the energy is palpable! My husband and I are self employed and we purchased season tickets to the Colts games back when Harbaugh was QB and we were losing all the time. At that time, we gave the tickets to customers in order to be in their good graces. UNTIL PEYTON ... and of course it was frowned upon to give customers favors.
So needless to say, I got hooked on Peyton and our family has loved going to the games and tailgating together and sharing in the wonderful wins that brought our team to the forefront. Then the economy tanked and so did our business and it suited our needs to sell our seats for a profit instead of spending the extra money it took to go down to the city for the day. It was painful at first, but then when Peyton was hurt, I felt we would not be able to sell the seats. But they continued to be picked up for a wonderful price that helped us through some tough spots. I was hoping so badly that we would win a lottery of sorts that they have developed in order to decide which season ticket holders would get to keep their seats for the BIG game. We still haven't heard anything and we are a week away. So I guess it is not in our cards.
I am still so excited for our city and I can not wait to go down and walk through the Super Bowl Village and see all the bands and food and games and fun set up for all our visitors and for us. I know my daughter will most certainly want to do the zip line. She may even convince me to do it as well ;D
Indianapolis may not have the skyline of Chicago or New York, but it has a solid heart and soul of people who will support our Colts wether they win or lose and lose and lose. It is scary for next season to see so many changes in the program, but also exciting as I feel the change and new blood that can bring great things. I will miss my old favorites as Mitch just took down his Fat Head sticker of Marvin Harrison in order to paint his room. He has so many memories of games in his room and even a signed print of Peyton himself to Mitch personally!
It makes me a little sad to see some of his Colts stuff coming down, but Mitch will come home again. He is young, he likes the teams that win. Me... die hard til the end. So is Sam and she will be here to send off the Super Bowl in style with us ! Once in a lifetime opportunity and it falls on Mitch's birthday so a double whammy ;D
I hope you all get a chance to go down and experience our great city and see the good that Mitch Daniels and Mayor Ballard and the Super Bowl Committee have done to make us shine. My parents are so cool, they are volunteering! No big surprise... they are in their mid seventies and always take part in any history making events. Let's hope that the weather stays nice and people will come away from here speaking highly of our city. Yes, we wish it were us in that stadium. But at least one Manning is in there and he will kick some Brady Butt for sure !
Here's to a fun football week and weekend to follow!
Happy Super Bowl Peeps, we will be partying in safe style and we wish the same for you ;D
Go Giants !
Jo Lynn Sudenly
So needless to say, I got hooked on Peyton and our family has loved going to the games and tailgating together and sharing in the wonderful wins that brought our team to the forefront. Then the economy tanked and so did our business and it suited our needs to sell our seats for a profit instead of spending the extra money it took to go down to the city for the day. It was painful at first, but then when Peyton was hurt, I felt we would not be able to sell the seats. But they continued to be picked up for a wonderful price that helped us through some tough spots. I was hoping so badly that we would win a lottery of sorts that they have developed in order to decide which season ticket holders would get to keep their seats for the BIG game. We still haven't heard anything and we are a week away. So I guess it is not in our cards.
I am still so excited for our city and I can not wait to go down and walk through the Super Bowl Village and see all the bands and food and games and fun set up for all our visitors and for us. I know my daughter will most certainly want to do the zip line. She may even convince me to do it as well ;D
Indianapolis may not have the skyline of Chicago or New York, but it has a solid heart and soul of people who will support our Colts wether they win or lose and lose and lose. It is scary for next season to see so many changes in the program, but also exciting as I feel the change and new blood that can bring great things. I will miss my old favorites as Mitch just took down his Fat Head sticker of Marvin Harrison in order to paint his room. He has so many memories of games in his room and even a signed print of Peyton himself to Mitch personally!
It makes me a little sad to see some of his Colts stuff coming down, but Mitch will come home again. He is young, he likes the teams that win. Me... die hard til the end. So is Sam and she will be here to send off the Super Bowl in style with us ! Once in a lifetime opportunity and it falls on Mitch's birthday so a double whammy ;D
I hope you all get a chance to go down and experience our great city and see the good that Mitch Daniels and Mayor Ballard and the Super Bowl Committee have done to make us shine. My parents are so cool, they are volunteering! No big surprise... they are in their mid seventies and always take part in any history making events. Let's hope that the weather stays nice and people will come away from here speaking highly of our city. Yes, we wish it were us in that stadium. But at least one Manning is in there and he will kick some Brady Butt for sure !
Here's to a fun football week and weekend to follow!
Happy Super Bowl Peeps, we will be partying in safe style and we wish the same for you ;D
Go Giants !
Jo Lynn Sudenly
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Slow Start to 2012
I haven't been able to get myself to write in a while, and I'm sure it's because of how unsure I have become. I think if you attend a New Years Eve Party that rocks your confidence, you waste too much of the fresh, untainted year dwelling on details that won't matter to anyone in days maybe even hours, if it did at all. At my age, it feels as if I have regressed back in to that young awkward self doubting teen, that worried about what others thought of me at any given moment. Self involved and self absorbed and always assuming that you don't fit in. A friend told me that it was the opposite of puberty, it was an actual symptom of menopause. The reversal taking place and playing tricks on your rationality. I'm hoping it passes really soon, it was hell as a teen and it is hell now.
Some of my thoughts have a real basis for concern, as I know releasing a memoir exposing every gory detail of your life over the past 50 years can tend to make one paranoid. Wondering.... well what did they think? Do they still like me? Is is total garbage? Did they even bother to read it?
While other thoughts are those same insecure ridiculous questions in your head such as...Do I talk too much? Am I loud? No one got that joke. Do I have a stupid laugh? Do they like my shirt? I bet they hate this necklace and they are just not telling me. Why don't they like the same shows as me? Why do I feel like such an outcast? I bet my breath stinks. Once these thoughts begin, I turn in to the shrinking violet little girl and hide.
Trying to stay focused on the positive because there is truly so much to be grateful for in my life and let those little insecurities sink to the bottom of my glass half full. It's weird though, just when I begin to feel like I can step outside again, something is said or happens that turns me right back to being twelve again. Although even at twelve, with zits and fever blisters, I was able to fake my confidence in a room. I can no longer do that it seems. Stripped and naked, I stand exposed for all to see the real me.
I don't like the unknown, and I want every person who has read my book to tell me what they thought of it. Even if it ends up selling 10,000 copies, I NEED to know! You know how those Hollywood Movie Star types get all caught up in their work and just die over what the critics or the reviews say? That is what I fear I have become... one of those insecure jerks who needs a pep talk every five minutes. Lift me up, tell me how great I am, tell me that it was awesome. I can't handle the truth. Well the truth is, I don't like this feeling and it makes me self loathe, and left weak and crippled. I want my strong empowered woman feeling back and it better show up soon, or the next 3 months will be spent under the covers hoping my thighs don't get any bigger.
My website hasn't helped much because of the problems it has given me, and the fact that my wonderful son decided to download a gazillion episodes of Jersey Shore on MY MacBook. Leaving it full and slow and me enraged with HOW DARE YOU? Don't you know I'm a writer? Don't you understand how important that Mac is to me? Couldn't you have used your own Ipad that G-ma got you? or the HUGH in size and in memory gorgeous MAC you have sitting on your desk? Ok... so at least the kid is smart enough not to slow down his own property, but the lack of respect for mine he has shown, has sent me into a tyrant that is totally fixated on getting Snookie off of MY MAC !
I'm just in limbo right now, with the computer issues and thinking I may have to dump and restore the whole thing and worry that the things I really wanted on there won't be on my external hard drive when I'm ready to begin again. But also the frustration of not knowing how many books I have sold and no avenue to find out until February! So how am I suppose to sell myself and this book, if I have no compass as to how it has gone thus far? Do I spend our families money on more books when I have learned there are three mistakes in it? Do I spend the money to fix the mistakes? The same person did not notice all three, three seperate found one. So I'm thinking hey, thats okay. A LOT of people skim when they read and won't catch it right? UGH... no, I HATE mistakes!
So I thought before I have this blog linked to my website, which really should be working early next week, with a place for you to purchase my book directly from me and have it signed any way you would like, that I would give you a post of just how this newly published author is feeling on this 15th day of January already ! How can this time thing be moving so quickly? Does it have anything to do with Global Warming? I swear I can feel the earth turning faster, maybe because it is melting and it knows it better step up the pace if it is going to at least make it to the Super Bowl!
Thanks for reading my rant, and I will keep you informed as to wether my son lives or dies when I restore this Mac. I will write to you from his Ipad !!!!!!! So long for now, and let the good times be plentiful and light and the bad times be few, heavy and sink. Wish me Luck and tell me I'm beautiful ;D
Ta Ta for now,
Your whacked out writer friend, Jo
Some of my thoughts have a real basis for concern, as I know releasing a memoir exposing every gory detail of your life over the past 50 years can tend to make one paranoid. Wondering.... well what did they think? Do they still like me? Is is total garbage? Did they even bother to read it?
While other thoughts are those same insecure ridiculous questions in your head such as...Do I talk too much? Am I loud? No one got that joke. Do I have a stupid laugh? Do they like my shirt? I bet they hate this necklace and they are just not telling me. Why don't they like the same shows as me? Why do I feel like such an outcast? I bet my breath stinks. Once these thoughts begin, I turn in to the shrinking violet little girl and hide.
Trying to stay focused on the positive because there is truly so much to be grateful for in my life and let those little insecurities sink to the bottom of my glass half full. It's weird though, just when I begin to feel like I can step outside again, something is said or happens that turns me right back to being twelve again. Although even at twelve, with zits and fever blisters, I was able to fake my confidence in a room. I can no longer do that it seems. Stripped and naked, I stand exposed for all to see the real me.
I don't like the unknown, and I want every person who has read my book to tell me what they thought of it. Even if it ends up selling 10,000 copies, I NEED to know! You know how those Hollywood Movie Star types get all caught up in their work and just die over what the critics or the reviews say? That is what I fear I have become... one of those insecure jerks who needs a pep talk every five minutes. Lift me up, tell me how great I am, tell me that it was awesome. I can't handle the truth. Well the truth is, I don't like this feeling and it makes me self loathe, and left weak and crippled. I want my strong empowered woman feeling back and it better show up soon, or the next 3 months will be spent under the covers hoping my thighs don't get any bigger.
My website hasn't helped much because of the problems it has given me, and the fact that my wonderful son decided to download a gazillion episodes of Jersey Shore on MY MacBook. Leaving it full and slow and me enraged with HOW DARE YOU? Don't you know I'm a writer? Don't you understand how important that Mac is to me? Couldn't you have used your own Ipad that G-ma got you? or the HUGH in size and in memory gorgeous MAC you have sitting on your desk? Ok... so at least the kid is smart enough not to slow down his own property, but the lack of respect for mine he has shown, has sent me into a tyrant that is totally fixated on getting Snookie off of MY MAC !
I'm just in limbo right now, with the computer issues and thinking I may have to dump and restore the whole thing and worry that the things I really wanted on there won't be on my external hard drive when I'm ready to begin again. But also the frustration of not knowing how many books I have sold and no avenue to find out until February! So how am I suppose to sell myself and this book, if I have no compass as to how it has gone thus far? Do I spend our families money on more books when I have learned there are three mistakes in it? Do I spend the money to fix the mistakes? The same person did not notice all three, three seperate found one. So I'm thinking hey, thats okay. A LOT of people skim when they read and won't catch it right? UGH... no, I HATE mistakes!
So I thought before I have this blog linked to my website, which really should be working early next week, with a place for you to purchase my book directly from me and have it signed any way you would like, that I would give you a post of just how this newly published author is feeling on this 15th day of January already ! How can this time thing be moving so quickly? Does it have anything to do with Global Warming? I swear I can feel the earth turning faster, maybe because it is melting and it knows it better step up the pace if it is going to at least make it to the Super Bowl!
Thanks for reading my rant, and I will keep you informed as to wether my son lives or dies when I restore this Mac. I will write to you from his Ipad !!!!!!! So long for now, and let the good times be plentiful and light and the bad times be few, heavy and sink. Wish me Luck and tell me I'm beautiful ;D
Ta Ta for now,
Your whacked out writer friend, Jo
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