Do YOU dine alone?

I never use to go anywhere alone.  It wasn't until I heard my friend tell me that she goes to the movies by herself all the time, that I even CONSIDERED this idea.  Then I learned that my daughter has done the same thing many times and I was so impressed, that I thought I should give it a try.

I must say that it is very empowering to have the confidence to walk in to a restaurant and say "just one".  It felt a tad lonely speaking the words, but when I was actually seated for the first time and knew that I was beginning a new adventure, it felt awesome.

I must tell you of my last outing while dining alone which happened just over a week ago.  Now I know some of you who do this sort of thing all the time are probably thinking, what's the big deal?  Well, when you have had a boyfriend/husband and family and friends out the ying yang for years, it never occurs to you to eat alone.  It's a choice.  A choice that I have really grown to enjoy.  My husband eats alone everyday and it never even dawned on me, that I could do the same.  I eat at home alone all the time, why not in public? Will people feel sorry for me? I don't know because I rarely notice people eating alone and that is probably because I am so wrapped up in my non stop chatter with  my companion of the day.

It was a beautiful summer evening, probably about 80 with a wonderful breeze blowing at just the right speed that it felt 70. I was seated at a table of four, with a beautiful view of children playing on a playground and shoppers walking past with conversation and smiles that made me wonder about their lives as I sat sipping my wine and dipping my bread in the fantastic oil.  I decided to order an appetizer which I rarely do, because it is simply too much to eat.  But I thought as I sat there, that this was just too perfect of a spot and evening to not share it with someone.  So I ordered it to tide me over until I found a companion to join me. (Fried green tomatoes with Parmesan Cream Sauce, Yum)   I first asked my husband, who was already 30 minutes west of me at home and tired, therefore he declined but told me to enjoy.  I then proceeded to text all the gals I knew that lived near by and did not have family obligations at this hour.  I ended up texting 6 different women and not one replied.  I felt that I had waited a sufficient amount of time, so I ordered my favorite on the menu.  Which is basically the house salad that has alfalfa and sunflower seeds in it and a side of blue cheese.

As I glanced around and took in all that I could because I was truly present in the moment, I noticed a woman sitting also alone at a table of four, however her back was toward me and I couldn't tell if she was finished eating, but I noticed that she was reading.  The chair next to her held a portfolio type of Black Book, not a purse and she used a stand to hold her book up.  This led me to the simple conclusion that she was an avid reader.  Now I know this is bad, but I am always looking to pitch my book in the hopes that it will eventually get in the right hands and become a best seller.  So yes, my ulterior motive was not the best, but it allowed me to have the courage to ask about this woman to the waitress we shared.  The outdoor seating was becoming full and we were taking up tables.  What harm would it be to ask her to join me?  So I got up the nerve to ask the waitress if the lady was finished eating and if it would be weird if I asked her to join me for an after dinner cocktail. The waitress confirmed that she was indeed alone and finished eating.

So I walked over, never seeing her face and tapped her on the shoulder and said " hi, I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help noticing that we are both dining alone and I was wondering if you would like to join me? It would free up a table and we may just have something in common."  She looked up at me and I was prepared for something like " oh I'm sorry, I need to be somewhere, but thank you"  instead she replied with a surprisingly delighted tone " yes, I would love too, thank you" and she gathered her things and came and sat with me.

As we began to get to know one another, I was realizing just exactly how much I was enjoying this whole experience.  Two random people just learning about one another and finding out each other to be extremely interesting.  As it turned out, she was a minister!  Now... I was floored by this knowledge and began to look at this meeting as much more than just a random chance encounter.  She spoke my language and she wasn't the traditional minister. She worships through song and dance and boy did that sound right up my alley.  I loved hearing her philosophy on religion vs. spirituality, and she never judged me when I told her that I struggled with the whole God thing.  She wasn't pushy and she never sounded like a scripture quoting robot.

I gave her a copy of my book and my personal contact information and told her that I would love to hear her preach sometime. She received a phone call while we were sitting there, and felt she really needed to take it even though she felt it was rude.  She spoke so eloquently to the person on the other line about meeting them to walk and talk about the Lord.  I was hooked. I was enamored by this woman.  I felt an immediate connection to her and as we wrapped up our conversation so that I could make it home before dark, she invited me to come dance the next time she was in my area and told me she would get back to me about her thoughts on my book.  We hugged and went our seperate ways.  This night felt so much like a divine appointment.  That the higher power was in control because it knows of my daily struggles.  I was excited and flying high with hope that this chance meeting was going to change my life. I was so excited that I rushed home to share the news with my husband.

You would think that by now, I would know him well enough to expect that he does not believe in chance encounters for a higher purpose. He is a realist and things are just black and white.  It means nothing that I have been struggling and then poof... a minister shows up in my life?  When I told him how this all went down, he seemed very uninterested and unimpressed and squashed every idea I had about it being a divine orchestrated event to get me closer to God.  He doesn't believe that things like that truly happen.  Basically, he was the killjoy who burst my bubble as usual. No sugar coating anything from him.  He tells it like he sees it.  But it crushed me, I really NEEDED this to be my way back in to the Holy Spirit and he stomped on it like a bug. But maybe he was right, I haven't heard a peep from this widow of seven years who is about a decade older than me.  I don't know why I think she should be the one contacting me.  But I really thought she would, and now that she hasn't, (this happened on the 12th of June) I'm beginning to think my husband is right.  Maybe she is just too busy, or maybe something happened in her life that has kept her from thinking of me.  But I haven't stopped thinking of her because she touched me.

I find it hard to believe that after texting six people and NONE of them responded that I wasn't meant to meet this woman.  But now what? I reach out to her? Do I wait and see if she responds to me, just not on my timeline? I am sad, and my hopes are feeling smaller and smaller each day.  It doesn't help to live with a man who has the emotional depth of a turnip. She told me she would counsel me and include me in her rehearsals for dance and song ceremonies.  I really want to do all of that, but I don't want to seem desperate.  So my experience, was lovely and I will always remember it.  I will dine alone again, maybe often.  I will search on my own to find my relationship with the higher power. But I am deep, and I do read a great deal in to things.  My heart is sensitive and wide open, ready to listen and learn.  I hope that you all sit and dine alone sometime, and get that strong and empowering feeling it gives you to have the confidence to do just that.  Freedom.  Freedom feels Fantastic! If I listened to my inner voice and my own intuition, this habit would take place on a much more regular basis.

Do you believe this was an appointed event?

Do you feel that I should reach out to her and not the other way around?

Do you dine alone?

Do you feel that things happen for a reason?

This is my journey back to having a relationship with God and it feels like an out of control roller coaster.  Scripture does not help me, I know that to be certain.  Not sure what will, but I am not going to give up trying.  I'll find my purpose, and I will live up to my full potential eventually.  I am listening to the whispers.

Share your stories and give me your insight.  I love everyone's opinion.

Thanks for reading,
Jo Lynn ;D