Do I feel like an Author yet?

As I sit and ponder over the wonderment of last evening, I can't help but continue to feel that this is happening to someone else.  It takes me back to a time when I was bitch, moaning and complaining to my husband many many years ago. I was certainly going through some sort of pity party and possibly hormonal.  Poor guy... I just cried and cried and said that I had never had a goal in my life except to find my biological father and to get my own apartment and live all by myself.  I achieved the latter of the two.  I was envious of people who had a plan, who always knew what they wanted out of life. I wailed at him that I had no talents nor any gifts and that I was doomed to be a nothing who accomplished nothing. 

Even though at the time, I had a beautiful daughter and a wonderful home and husband, it wasn't enough. I went on to say or cry at him that my sisters all had something they were good at, such as one was an awesome seamstress, another a fantastic painter, a musician, another was witty with words and creative in her ideas and goals.  Each time I would say " and what am I good at ? " He would just cringe in silence and try to sneak out of the room.  Finally when I pressed him further he said "You're a good Mother" and although that should have been a wonderful compliment, he had said it many times before and I didn't consider it a talent.  

After seriously rolling around and crying in my beer for a few hours, he said fine "You're a good Flirt!"

Ok, that woke me up and he had my attention front and center!  "What is THAT suppose to mean?" 

A man of few words, did not want to poke the beast any further and decided he had had enough and was backing out of this winless situation.  "I mean you are really friendly" and then he went to bed. 

Being a good Mom and being friendly are good qualities about a person and maybe I should have been happy with that, but I can tell you now after all these years, being someone who touches others through their words feels far better than being a good flirt. 

The emotions in the room last night were palpable to me.  I could see how they connected with me and how I was possibly describing something that has taken place in their own lives.  I really kinda felt like Oprah for a second.  Pretty cool indeed.  Loving to Learn at Fifty and sharing the wisdom so that the next generation of woman well be kinder to themselves is powerful stuff. I'm diggin' it. ;D

If you have a similar story or are stuck with "Am I doing everything I can to be my best self?"  (oprahism)  Then I would love for you to share it, and maybe it will help someone else find what they are good at, so they can be proud of themselves like I am now.  

Am I an Author? yes... Am I a good Author?  ahhh.... so so

I'm no poet and I am not "well read" but I can talk like the best of them.  (rambling included)

Thanks for reading,

Jo Lynn ;D

Book :  "I Can't Relate" by Jo Lynn Sudenly 

www.jenjohere.com  

jolynnsudenly@yahoo.com

Next Book Signing :  Dec. 6th at 6:00 The Coachman in Plainfield, Indiana

Thanksgiving is upon us, or is it Christmas?

This post is for my daughter Sam, whose favorite holiday is Thanksgiving.  She insists that we do not put up decorations or lights of any kind until AFTER the dinner has been thanked for and eaten and sat around and napped after and then finally cleaned  up.

However, she is also a very frugal girl who simply LOVES a great deal and therefore enjoys the Black Friday events.  I wonder how she will feel when she learns that now her DAY is going to be rushed through in order for those to take their place in line to carry out that flat screen TV.  (which she did last year on FRIDAY morning)

It seems that the small traditions that our family has created, are slowly being exchanged for the latest craze.  My memories of childhood Thanksgiving, consisted of a lazy day watching the parade and betting to see which uncle was going to start snoring first after the meal. Listening to the women chat away in the kitchen and stealing the can of whipped cream topping to take to my room for later ;D

My boys are not much for tradition, and it is difficult to get them excited about much of anything. I am thrilled to see that I must have done something right for my daughter, to instill in her some of the greatest aspects of the holidays.  Each year I buy her some sort of Thanksgiving decoration for her own place now. She is all grown up and although it is difficult to keep the same rituals alive when she is out of state, she is the one that always makes the holidays special for me.

To my very special girl, I love you and hope that you find some really great deals on FRIDAY morning.  Hopefully they won't be sold out by then.  See you soon my love.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone and please share some of your traditions and special memories with us so that new families can understand how very important they are to create and continue.

Cheers to the Turkey !
Gobble Gobble ;D

Learning How I Sound to Others

It has been brought to my attention lately, that sometimes I say things that don't come out at all how I intended.  Can any of you RELATE to that?

We all listen to friends who vent and either that person is actually looking for advice, or they just want someone to listen.  I believe now, that unless the person actually says to you "what do you think?" or "what should I do", the safest bet is to just be quiet and not try and FIX the problem.

Nine times out of ten, the problem fixes itself and then you are the one that gets blamed for saying something derogatory against a loved one of theirs.  You have either insulted their intelligence or offended them in some way that you honestly had no clue that you were doing.

I have found that as I regain my footing after five years of a horrific storm, that I am beginning to become more in tune with my words and how they often affect others.  Little judgements, regardless of how small or unimportant they are, hurt. I have been told numerous times recently that something I said came out in a very negative way, when I meant it to be helpful.  Isn't it marvelous that we can still learn and grow at the age of 50.  Some old Dogs can be taught new tricks. Not only has this helped in my marriage, but in almost every aspect of my social circle and even those I encounter on the streets or stores etc...

I feel we are  flooded with reality TV that encourages us to speak our minds and people just take it and move on.  However in the the REAL reality, people will not take it forever and you will lose them.  They need comfort, not criticism.

I first began to understand this when my daughter would come home and tell me what a ghastly deed one of her classmates had done to her, and I would listen and then become the devil's advocate.  In which she would immediately say "why do you always take their side?"  Well, because I want you to have another perspective and maybe get an understanding as to why they did what they did.  But that is NOT what my daughter wanted to hear.

After my rebirth this past five years, I felt being the "real" me, meant that I could say what I actually thought to someone.  But I am learning that people don't really want to hear the truth,  they just want a shoulder to lean or cry on.  My words have become more direct which I like because I'm not hiding any longer.  But I am reserving those honest words for REAL problems, not petty ones.  I once told a friend who was going through a very tough time of losing her Mother, and her Father was close to death as well, that she should get her kids to take things upstairs for her, instead of piling each step with items that belonged up or down.  See in our house, if something is sitting at the top of the stairs, whoever goes down next takes it down, and vice versa.  My intent on sharing that with her was to encourage her to ask for help from her family while she was unable to keep up with the household chores.  But she took it as a judgement that her kids don't do anything and that I was saying she had a messy house.

She only revealed this to me approximately 9 years later this past week!  She has recycled that in her mind and let it eat away at her and her housekeeping and parenting abilities all this time.  All I wanted was for her to come home after driving an hour and half both ways to visit her parents, to walk in her safe haven and be able to shut down and cry if she needed too.  Not see things that needed to be done to weigh her down even more.  Unfortunately, that is not how she took it all.  I bet a lot of you can relate to this exact thing.  Women tend to be very hard on themselves and we feel like we are suppose to keep this level of accomplishment and productivity up as some sort of competition with society.  Every one has different priorities, and if you choose to go play in the leaves with your kids while there are dishes in the sink.  Then so be it.  We need to be a sisterhood of support not judgement.  Another friend of mine who passed away when she was 38 from breast cancer, use to say "If you are coming to see my house, give me two days.  If you are coming to see me, come ANY time."   It has been hard for me over the years to practice that philosophy, as I am a product of my GrandMother who was neat and tidy at all times and you must always but your best out there for others to see.

I watched her die... my dear sweet GrandMother.  On her death bed she told me "I do have regrets, I regret getting upset with you kids when you touched the glass on my table with your dirty fingerprints, and I regret getting upset that you put your hands all over my front door glass or dropped a crumb on my floor." "Please don't be that way" "Love your children and grandchildren even in a messy house" Thank you for those words, although it took me way too long to actually act on them, however I do now.

I also owe my oldest sister for showing me without even knowing it, that it was okay to go outside in public without a full face of makeup.  She is and was a stylish gal and always seemed to have it all together.  It took her two hours to get ready to go somewhere, yet it was worth it because I thought she was beautiful.  One year I went to Tennessee to visit her and she had to go to her son's school to do something during school hours and I was amazed that she did not put on her makeup!  And yet, her confidence was still very high as usual.  That was impressive to me and from that point on, I too felt that I could show both faces.  Just because you are not all made up and looking "together", doesn't mean you are sick or depressed, or sad or lazy.  It means you are busy and wasting two hours is ridiculous unless it is for something special or important.

So let's give our fellow women permission to let go of these old ideas of how we are suppose to look and be at all times.  It's a new age, and priorities have changed. Behind all those perfect houses and perfect faces are the same struggles and arguments and obstacles that we all face.  Let's just be REAL about it.

To ANYONE that I have ever hurt in the past.... I genuinely apologize.

Reminder: The Cardinal Rule... I can say something bad about my loved one, but YOU can not !

Have a good week, and see if you are brave enough to show your second face and listen without judgement.

TTFN,
Jo Lynn ;D

Is this Surreal or What ?

So it's been less than a week since my book went National and the response has been incredible.  I can't tell you how bizarre it is to read a total strangers review about your work.  I want my excitement to rub off on all of those Mom's out there that are close to having an empty nest to take the plunge and allow yourself to dream again.

It seems a bit selfish at times, as I have always put my family before myself.  However, they are benefiting from the joy it brings me to have confidence again.  To see me happy and enjoying the experience of it all, is worth it to them to see a little less of me and to have to pick up their own dirty clothes seems minimal to what they had seen before I completed this book.  They lived through darkness with me, and now they can see that people can change and move past and learn coping skills to handle stress.  It is critical that we face the demons so that they become weaker and less intense.  Being aware of the triggers that can drop you like a dime, and remembering that the more you talk and share with others will lessen the pain.  The less raw it becomes for you.  Almost like it didn't happen, it is just a story now.

No one should be ashamed of their past, we are human and we make mistakes.  Big Ones at times, but allowing people to see the real you, is empowering in so many ways.  My husband is the most private person I know and although he has chosen not to read my book ( so please don't discuss it with him, he feels he has enough details about me in his head he doesn't need anymore to recycle and worry over), he has supported me through this entire process.  It's good that he doesn't read it, although I offered many times and said you should read this before I publish, he has demons of his own and one day I am hoping he shares them at least with me.

Life is too short to carry so much baggage, people like to know the real you.  Not the one that wears the pretty jewelry and the perfect makeup, but the one that cries and suffers with daily obstacles just like all the rest of us.  It's time we take the pressure off of ourselves and start supporting one another.

Go Ahead...
Step Out of the Comfort Zone...
It's Nice Out Here...

Do something extraordinary today !

Today was the actual launch of my Book ! 

This press release was sent to 572 different TV, Newspapers, Radio Stations in six large cities.  Check one out near you...

New York, LA, Chicago, Atlanta, Miami, Indianapolis

EDITORS: For review copies or interview requests, contact:

Marketing Services                                                                                                                                      

Tel: 888-519-5121

Fax: 812-961-3133

Email: pressreleases(at)authorhouse(dot)com

(When requesting a review copy, please provide a street address.)

Learning to Accept Help from Others

Author wants readers to know they’re never alone in times of need

Indianapolis, Ind. – When a loved one is ill or going through a rough time, it is only natural for others to try offering

helpful advice or words of encouragement. It can, however, be hard to truly understand what the individual is going

through. In the new book, I Can't Relate: The Story of a Simple Girl with a Complicated life (published by

AuthorHouse) Jo Lynn Sudenly tells her touching story and gives insightful advice on how to accept the help of

others.

Sudenly hopes that I Can’t Relate will inspire anyone who is feeling hopeless or out of control to seek help and

never feel shame in doing so. It is a lesson in how to forgive and how to excuse those that simply can’t relate.

“If you personally have never experienced what the person is going through, it is very difficult if not impossible to

relate” says Sudenly.

I Can’t Relate is based on true events in her life that evolves over a span of almost 70 years. It is filled with many

sensitive subjects and exposes compelling and on-going stigma of mental health and the issues revolving around

depression, suicide and rage. She has personal experiences with abandonment, sexual harassment, abuse, rape

and infidelity – experiences that allow her to speak first-hand about the things people are afraid of and why unable

to provide real comfort.

Sample from book:

Tam has been wonderful when it comes to respecting my feelings about my father all these years. He doesn’t

really want to talk about it, because he admits that he simply cannot relate. He has the same two parents that he

has always had, and that is all he knows. Clearly, he has not been able to place himself in my shoes, and he is

unsure of what to say or do to help ease my struggle. He has been supportive in all my efforts to find and connect

with him, yet he is never pushy or dismissive, just supportive.

About the Author;

Jo Lynn Sudenly shares her personal experiences in hopes that it may help others during their own times of

personal darkness. Sudenly hopes to change the way people relate to one another and open the lines of

communication while eliminating the awkwardness in standing next to someone in pain. A married mother of two

who recently turned 50 relives her life with humor and sadness combined.

AuthorHouse, an Author Solutions, Inc. self-publishing imprint, is a leading provider of book publishing, marketing,

and bookselling services for authors around the globe and offers the industry’s only suite of Hollywood book-to-film

services. Committed to providing the highest level of customer service, AuthorHouse assigns each author personal

publishing and marketing consultants who provide guidance throughout the process. Headquartered in

Bloomington, Indiana, AuthorHouse celebrated 15 years of service to authors in Sept. 2011.For more information or

to publish a book visit authorhouse.com or call 1-888-519-5121. For the latest, follow @authorhouse on Twitter.

###

Social Networking ...

Wow !  Is all I can say about this experience of trying to get exposure for my book.  It is clearly going to take me a great deal of time to stay on top of all these sites.  I realize that writing is becoming more of my day and I can't wait to get back to the creative process.

I hope you will not get bored with me too quickly, as I am new to this world and trying to be to keep you motivated to come visit my sites.  So if you feel you have had an overload of me, believe me I understand.

I  have hit a couple of the big shows for reviews for my book and am expecting AuthorHouse to launch their live campaign this Friday.  I hope that those of you who are waiting for my book signing can hang on just a tad longer.  I am trying to schedule several different locations, so you won't have a long drive.

Please help me with this process, just by sharing my blog or my website to your friends and you may just end up seeing me on the Today Show !  Wishful thinking, but possible ;D

Thank you again for visiting,
til next time...
Jo